Why should it matter

I wish everyone saw themselves as beautiful. The world would be a better place. I wouldn’t be anorexic.. I probably would not have social anxiety and depression I know my depression is not just because I think I’m fat and ugly but I think I would have gotten a lot better by now if I did not destroy myself with my own thoughts every day. Why does even matter to me so much. I hate when people give me attention I hate stares so why do I want to be beautiful and thin.