What makes you want to end it all? That feeling that is sometimes so very hard to even put into words. Words that come to mind are unrelenting pain, lost, left with no sense of hope. It is like you are in a deep dark hole and there is no sign of light, no sign that you will ever get out. You don’t even see the top of the hole because you are so far down deep in the hole and you are all alone. As each day passes – it does just that – they pass you by. People pass by and no one has the first clue as to what runs through your mind every moment of the day and night – that you want to end it all and ae just waiting for the right moment. At least that is how I felt 25 years ago. I failed at my attempt. But have never forgottent the pain that got me to that point of wanting to end it all. I remember what a failure I felt like when I woke up. I will not pretend to know the gravity o that each of you suffer. I will just say that it can get better. Life is terribly unpredictable and you can never pressume to know what is around the corner. But I will say that when you have reached the bottom of the hole you really can’t go much further down. You have been battling the deamons. And if you chose to fight your way out of the hole – you will be stronger for it. I still fall down the hole sometimes, but I know that it is a hole that I can get out of now. And believe it or not – I did it by understanding “I am in a dark place” and that’s ok. When I didn’t feel like dealing with the deamons because I was just too tired, I found it helpful to focus on something else until those most horrid feelings passed. Have you ever heard of Fake it til you make it? That is what I did. Over time I realized that to take my life would have hurt so many – not something I really thought about when I was at my worst. I also say that when you don’t know of something else that you can focus on – try to remember the last time you laughed. Try to do something that will make you put the deamons to the side for the moment – no matter how stupid or childish it may seem. I even went and flew a kite one day as stupid as it sounds. But that is how you start to push back the deamons – by doing things that make you smile. The deamons will sneek up on you from time to time, but I am grateful to have continued through life’s roller coaster. You can get to a point where you laugh more than you cry. Just know it is just a hole and as dark and scary as it really is – there is a way out. I wish peace. In your mind, heart, and soul for all of you