I see life’s travel before my eyes, and many years have passed an I am still hear. Locked always, in this shell of a thing. Roaming about this world I greave for them all not to see. Yet all they have to do is look in the mirror and fine it ,for them selves. From their own book in hand do they judge ,and server the one they fear most. Yet they never learn the gift that they where given. Choice: to be able to change, the fate of man instead of following the wheel. Sometime I start to think they are not who they […]
What makes you want to end it all? That feeling that is sometimes so very hard to even put into words. Words that come to mind are unrelenting pain, lost, left with no sense of hope. It is like you are in a deep dark hole and there is no sign of light, no sign that you will ever get out. You don’t even see the top of the hole because you are so far down deep in the hole and you are all alone. As each day passes – it does just that – they pass you by. People pass by and no […]
I think the worst part of almost every day is waking up, it is for me, at least.
I hate it simply because it means I have a whole new, painful, disappointing  day ahead of me. It’s just so damn painful to get out of bed, physically ad emotionally. I have no wish to even get out because I have nothing to live for and look forward to. And when you pair that with all the aches, lethargy, and that feeling you get in your chest that feels like your heart was made of lead just makes it such a painful moment of the day.
When i made this cut i was scared. I had just traded an ounce of weed for a brand new box cutter, a kid bought me from home depot. Stupid i know i could have got it myself but with your dad watching you every moment of the day it was kinda hard. I said it was for protection.. protection from my thoughts.. but he gave it to me. No other questions ask even knowing my history.
I went home a couple days past and then me and my parents got in a huge fight. With […]
I’ve messed up yet again. I dont understand why I always do everything wrong. I’m not thát stupid, I know that. I guess I am semi-smart. So why do I always fail everything? I actually wish I was just an ordinary retard, I could just follow a meaningless education (or none, whatever) and there wouldnt be any expetations. I dropped yet another class and my mom just thinks I hardly have school. I just cant do everything. Or anything. I can barely wrap my brain around 1 assignment and because I’m so afraid I will fail again I just cant seem to make any progress. […]
I don’t even know where to start explaining this…for that matter I’m not even sure that I’m trying to explain something to begin with. Maybe I’m just trying to understand it. Maybe some part of my brain is hoping that if I string enough words together someone, somewhere, will be able to explain it all to me.
I don’t even know if I’m suicidal. I used to think that “suicidal” was something definitive. Something that you’d know if you were or you weren’t. It didn’t seem like the sort of thing you’d miss, you know? I suppose if someone asked me outright I’d say no, I’m […]