dear ex friend

Dear ex-friend,

Why did u have to leave me. Ever since u left, my life has
fallen apart. I don’t want to exist anymore. I don’t want to
live but I don’t want to die. I don’t want to exist. I am a
coward. It was not your fault. U just represent
something that I used to have. Something that I lost that was
once very important to me. It just left a hole where it once
was. U represent a time when things were okay. When I was
okay. Sometimes I tell myself that you are dead. Because the
friend I knew would never have done this to me. Our 7 year
friendship would have meant more to him than some girl that
he had only started dating. He wouldn’t have told me we
couldn’t hang out because his new gf didn’t like it and that
his relationship was in trouble because of it. Well that was
2 years ago when my good friend turned into someone I didn’t
know. You told me that your relationship was in trouble but did
you ever think of what it might do to me? Let me ask you a
question…. How many friends did I have? when I lost you, I
lost a big proportion of my circle. I know you have many
friends but I don’t… I needed you. You were the only person
whom I openly confessed to cutting myself. That took a lot of
courage to tell you that. I had just gone through a breakup
and I wanted to talk to you but you weren’t there. She
convinced you that I might rebound on you so you decided to
stay away??! YOU KNOW ME!! I would never do that! It has been
2 years and you have no idea what the last 2 years have been
like for me. I’m sorry if I hurt you. I did love you! You know I did, but not in a sexual or dating way. I could never call you ‘babe’ or ‘darling’ without feeling utterly stupid .. or laughing. But I did love u. I still do. I will always love the friend I once knew. But this new person that you turned into? I don’t know if I will like him. He hurt me. If he is half as wonderful as my old friend, than your fiance is very lucky. Yes you are now engaged. Remember when we used to joke about weddings? I said that you would be one of my bridesmaids and I would make you wear a dress. I hope that you invite me. I am scared to talk to you. I feel like you wronged me and that you should contact me. Will you ever contact me again? Should I give you another chance? Everyone says that you weren’t a friend worth having and that you had no balls to stand up to your gf. I was once angry … But I can easily forgive. I think I have forgiven you already but I don’t know until I see you. Your fiance might get angry again and then I would get kicked out of the picture again. I can’t go through that again. I am thinking that if your wedding comes and goes without you contacting me … Then that is it. I know we can never be friends again and I have no place in your new life. I will miss you always, vit b