Everybody lies

Something terrible happened today. I just had a hard conversation with my roommate. And now this question keeps popping up in my head: How well do we know people around us? How well do we know ourselves?
My roommate has been psychologically bullied by her boyfriend for more than a year. How silly of me thinking she was happy, lucky to have someone even though i witnesed some of the fights but somehow i thought they deserve each other. It was the first time i saw her so weak, so worn out…She confessed she has no real friends and no one to talk to except me, that she misses our talks, our nights out. It was all so weird me giving advice, talking about serious things. I felt so  helpless, it was so hard to say even the simplest words, so we sat in silence for a long time, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence it was soothing. I should have hugged her or held her hand but i couldn’t move at all, just kept sitting on the other side of the table while she shared her deepest fears of lonliness. and i always thought she was one of the strongest people i know. how easily can we be tricked and how real the masks people put on can be.
but the scariest part was when she said i was carefree, no problems around me. What if she was right?! what if i was imagining things and i was completely fine. my problems were so ordinary and little compared to some people and everyone in the world has some things to struggle with. was i so weak to put up with the luggage?! I feel a little ashamed.
Another thing, i use to be a hopeless romantic, i always hoped for the best, expected things will turn out good even though i said the opposit. and now when she asked me did he loved her at all, because you can’t do mean things to  person you love, right; she asked me sadly almost begging me to say that he loved her. I kept quiet for a long time, i didn’t want to hurt her, and tear the rest of her heart apart. But i thought i recently came to the conclusion that everyone lies, even the most earnest of us lie everyday, convincing it is somehow the best solution ( to avoid hurting people we love).  Nothing good ever comes from lies, it is such a selfish act. so i simply said: No, he probably didn’t. It was so cruel of me to say but i believe she just had to know.
and now that i know what i know i feel like that little dreamer is gone, but i could never speak of me as a realist. so confusing.