My name was……
I do not know who I am now, but can recall who I used to be. I am a male, but I am not a man. A man is strong, and can provide for his family. A man is never wrong.
He was weak. He did not earn what a family requires, and he made mistakes.
His past haunts me. I try so hard to move on yet at every turn his past clings to me and drags me back. The morass of his existence clings, and burdens. It swallows the light. It kills my soul. A stationary death.
Like an acid or virus whose passing degrades or poisons the things around it. Those things which seem stable and complete become unbalanced and eroded.
He yearned for the light and beauty yet his very touch, his very being, would cause the light to dim, to retreat and beauty to fade.
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Some will miss him and be saddened. Others will not for their light will brighten and renew.
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How can I be rid of him?
1 comment
I feel this should be acknowledged.
It’s hard to keep answering for mistakes made by who you used to be… while improvements go unnoticed… while everyone who insists that you move on, only continues to define you as who you aren’t… but were… which is still yet another consequence of the person they all say you shouldn’t be, while refusing to let you move on from.
It’s harder than it sounds: you must recreate yourself… but in a way that acknowledges your past. Those who don’t learn history are doomed to repeat it. If you forget lessons you’ve learned, and forget why you know to avoid making those mistakes, then it was a waste. You can’t be “rid of him.” You have to own your mistakes, and become better. You have to understand the source of the corruption you mention, in order to successfully purge it.