I am a failure in all ways that matter to me i cant stay away from drugs and they no longer even numb my pain the one i love with all my heart is to afraid what it would mean to love me to be gay even tho he has said if he was he would marry me and has considered it…..he claims he cares and that i am a good man but he was raised to hate gays even tho he does not hate me??? yet his ex he hates and is always fighting with but uses for a booty call will spend a […]
Tag:
Poisons
My name was……
I do not know who I am now, but can recall who I used to be. I am a male, but I am not a man. A man is strong, and can provide for his family. A man is never wrong.
He was weak. He did not earn what a family requires, and he made mistakes.
His past haunts me. I try so hard to move on yet at every turn his past clings to me and drags me back. The morass of his existence clings, and burdens. It swallows the light. It kills my soul. A stationary death.
Like an acid or virus […]
I’m tired. My body detests me. I’ve put it through hell. The scars can attest to that. I can’t fall asleep without a drink in me. I close my eyes at two in the morning and wake up to non existing screaming a couple hours later. The men in my life have all disappointed me. I’ve been bought off with money and sex. And yet, whose to say that it’s not my fault as well? I can’t find worth in myself. I don’t know if I’m pretty or pretty stupid. I don’t know. At the time I sure as hell didn’t care. I just want to have that […]
Born missing something in your brain. That piece that makes many crave attention and affection. When these things are offered you cringe in confusion. Knowing that others readily accept them but they seem rather uncomfortable. And you force yourself to act like you enjoy them because it makes others smile. One thing does touch you. The ones who are outsiders-ostracized-cast out-victims-pariahs. Their plight awakens an inner affinity.
Then there is the violation. Inall your collected data this only happens between adults. Between husband and wife. Between girlfriend and boyfriend. Not between adult and child. Not between two males. Deep down you know that this is monumentally worse […]
I the my family I see no porpuse for them.they say that they will be there for ou no matter what but that’s just a big lie…my families the worst my moms a stupid whore who hates her kids but got herself pregnant again.she isn’t a real mother all se does is verbally abuse us,I swear I don’t even consider her as my mother jut because I can’t be related to her,I just won’t except it I’m the only one sane in my house.my mons says I just look Luke my father that’s why I’m different from my sisters but I don’t care my dada […]