But who’s gonna listen? You? You, the one who comes up to me with a sickly sweet voice saying “What’s wrong?”, and when I tell you, all you have to say is “You need some help, go talk to someone!” before walking the fuck away. That’s the sort of shit that makes people like me NOT talk, you inconsiderate son of a *****.
Everyday, every night, I’m looking. Looking all around me, at my Facebook account, at my Skype, at my phone contacts book, at my god damn life. And always wondering, “Who’s ever gonna listen to me?”.
No-one, that’s who. And the ironic thing is that it’s LONELINESS that’s causing these things inside of me. The fact that no-one listens, nobody cares, nobody bothers to understand or know me. No-one in my life so far has come to sit down and listen. All they come and say is “You need some help, man. You’re weird!”. Well, fuck you very much, go live your perfect ass life with all the money and the parents that give a shit and want to help you out, and all your “friends” that you go hang out with. Just fuck off. You don’t know me, and you never WILL know me.
How do I know? You don’t even fucking try.
Not even my parents try. Even from them, all I hear is “What’s wrong with you? It’s like I’m living with a PIG, the way your living in this house!”, or, “You are a sorry piece of fat fuck, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen in your life!”. Well, thanks for bringing me into this world, because it was YOU who wanted a family. You ever stop and think about how it might be for the kid? Having to go through all the shit in life (and you KNOW what shitty things life has in store for a person), having to always live in fear, having to LIVE AT ALL. And now you come to me like I brought all this shit upon myself. Well it was YOU who decided to move the entire fucking family to a place where your kid would be a social outcast, it was YOU who decided to spend so little time with your kid when he needed you. It was YOU who decided to give him everything he needs except you being there emotionally.
Now, I’m alone. Completely and utterly alone. And don’t you try to come in through the door and complain about how it’s always locked tight without anyone being allowed in. You’re the one who locked it.
You’re my parents and you don’t know me? Cool. That’s how it’s always been, that’s how it always will be. Don’t try to change anything now.
8 comments
I will listen to you, I’d rather listen to someone in pain and sorrow than have a conversation with one that is fake and repulsive. Because at least what you are feeling is real and true in this world. So much hopelessness in this world… I’ll listen when ever you need someone or something morenomari1@yahoo.com.. we can do this
I hear you. I look at my phone throughout the day compulsively hoping someone will talk to me but, I’m always disappointed.
I don’t know what to tell you except that I feel your pain right now. I have no close friends and no energy to make new ones. People seem to be extremely flaky when it comes to me. Who knows, maybe if I didn’t feel the way I do and had friends I’d be the same.
I have a theory on why so many people have shit parents, It’s because shity people fall in ‘love’ and get married, they then have a kid or 3 by mistake that they didnt really even want to begin with. Not saying thats your reality like but its probably true for a few.
I like this site, while not everyones perfect you get so much more soul than on other websites. People have more depth when they live painful lives, Much better than all these flying bin bags who live in my town lol
inb4 “blame everyone else”
At least my mom taught me to use my dad’s genes to critically think. It didn’t make me successful in life, but it taught me how to understand almost everything.
“Look before leap”
“think before speak”
“consider others”
“don’t believe everything you see/hear/read”
“know thyself”
“do not feign affection”
“lying is bad”
It’s funny, looking back on lessons i learned through people who really had no idea what exactly they were actually teaching me. The lessons i learned often exceeded or were vastly different from, what the teacher thought i should gain from the lesson. I learned things the teachers didn’t know i’d learn from the lessons. I learned things the teachers never knew. Just like everyone else, i was fed lies, BS, illusions… but unlike most, i saw right through. When i realized that almost everyone is full of shit, because of the BS they’re taught in youth… i was filled with an indescribable disdain for almost everything i can see that has been affected by these things.
One day i realized it was almost literally “up to me” to change things… to change the world… to fix what countless generations’ transgressions have built to be as things are…
And that’s when i realized i would be unable to achieve my own singular purpose in life. And from then on, i’ve lived in a world of enemies, in which almost everyone everyone else truly is wrong, and i’m not.
I’m only ever wrong when i lack sufficient information to reach the correct conclusions. Hence, i tend to despise lies, liars, illusions, and false constructs built on deception, meant for controlling the behavior of entire populations, in order to benefit the few who just so happened to have lucked up in their lot in life, to have the resources and means to control so many others for the sake of their own gains.
I won’t be part of that system. I don’t think i’d want to be in the position to be in control of so many others… but i’m sure i would classify such a life as “better” than the one i have had, and will have, based on all information available to me.
——
People shouldn’t have kids if they’re not ready… and if they aren’t sure what “ready” means, then they should spend time thinking about that, before being qualified to determine whether or not they actually are.
People aren’t taught to think, or taught how to think. They are taught what to believe. They are taught to base their entire perception of reality upon lies… and those lies have been carefully crafted to support a system that was devised to be exactly what it has become.
Find other people who “get” that… and maybe you won’t feel quite so alone. But even feeling less alone, won’t fix the source of these problems… though it might make finding solutions for them, a bit less difficult. It might make the persistence in the face of sheer futility less intolerable… or perhaps even enjoyable, in many ways.
Finding the right people or activities with which to spend our fleeting moments, tends to make whatever is going on with the rest of the world, not really relevant.
clevername: Do you accept that you’re not the only one who’s like that? I would also consider myself to be like you, where I pick up more than what my “teachers” in life try to teach me, and I find myself learning from hypocrites more and more. I find that what I consider to be a simple, yet terrible truth, other people try to deny it or are simply blown away by it, when it’s really not that much of a hard thing to realize if one would simply THINK.
Are you a person who thinks that you are unique in that sense? If not, I’d like to be noted that I too am living like that.
I think there are others, but we are less common, and tend to be shunned.
“…I find myself learning from hypocrites more and more.”
This gave me a giddy chill-type feeling. And then the next sentence also resonated with me:
“…I find that what I consider to be a simple, yet terrible truth, other people try to deny it or are simply blown away by it, when it’s really not that much of a hard thing to realize if one would simply THINK.”
I can’t count how many times i’ve had to just not say anything, because of things i learned about how people tend to react so adversely to unwelcome knowledge, particularly false-construct-incompatible knowledge, all those times i felt compelled to say something i knew would be ill-received by people who weren’t ready to learn it. Let me shorten that up: so often, i choose to not say, instead of say, because of how people tend to react to things they’re not prepared to learn.
It’s so rare for me to find another one… and it figures, you’d call yourself “OddOneOut.”
Similarities noted. 🙂
🙂 well, I really appreciate that. No-one really understands the weird person. They just shun him, push him away. Even subconsciously. But I respect the fact that you are able to accept that there are others like you. Some people are so stuck up into believing that they’re unique.
Well, i mean, we’re all ultimately unique… but some people are more similar than others, and some more different than most. We all have our own particular sets of features and inclinations and circumstances. I don’t think that i possess any particular trait that is only mine, and no one else has… except my individual consciousness and my specific arrangement of molecules. My particular configuration of traits is only mine. No one else is “exactly” like anyone else, so technically that makes everyone unique. Even identical twins are “not quite exactly identical,” though they often share more similarity than any other two people in the world.
But yeah, i’m sure there are others who see through the illusions, and similarly experience many of the same frustrations as i… it’s just that no two people see exactly the same things, no matter how similar they may be. However, it’s usually just easier to say “the same,” instead of being technical about it. “Ain’t nobody got time fo’ that!”
I think words like “unique” and “beautiful” and “love” and “hate” are abused and overused. Lots of people just seem to say whatever they heard someone else say, not really knowing what it means. The problem is when they’re unwilling to be wrong, and so they can’t learn anything new, or be corrected… and so they insist that you should interpret their incorrect words in whatever way they prefer, rather than them caring enough about communication to learn the right words, and how to use them. And then there’s the other side of that, where using the right words can confuse people who don’t know what words mean. It’s all just so damn complicated. lol. Sometimes i feel compelled to try anyway, but other times i’m just not up for it, and don’t bother.