I miss him so much. I want my best friend back. I want to hug him and tell him just how much he means to me. I just want to see him again. I want so badly to see his bright blue eyes and blonde hair.
But I can’t.
He’s dead.
He would be ashamed of me. Drugs, alcohol, cutting, and my bitter attitude. Not much to be proud of.
There’s a part of me, though that thinks that he would be proud of me. I’ve been to hell and back, with both physical and emotional damages, but I’m still breathing. I can walk into a room and act like the perfect barbie doll. I think that he would be proud to see me carry on, being as strong as I can be.
That little part of me is probably a lie, but it’s what I got.
6 comments
Stay strong for what it’s worth because I do believe he would be proud of you, dear. So very proud. The weak ones are the ones who give in, but NOT you, not yet, and not EVER.
Barbie doll?
yeah, I act how people and society want me to, because if i don’t i get pushed down and out of the way.
You know, its messages like this that actually inspire me and give me hope that this site does some good. Thank you. And you know what? It is meaningful to live. People overvalue the semantics of it. But he probably would indeed be proud of you. Perhaps you could use his memory to try and build some goals for yourself and become even better than you already are?
@Innocence Lost sorry for the late reply. I am currently working on getting clean this summer. It’s been going well and I’ve only had a few slip ups.
Thanks for the comment!
Think you actually trying and staying strong because you have memories of him and how he comforted you that is what keeps you going it seems. . . keep living and staying strong because he is looking down at you and is proud of you for still being here