i want to disappear

nobody really knows what I feel like inside. I am in therapy and medication but I still don’t feel good. I cut just to release what I am feeling inside. some people have seen the scars but they will never understand. I lost many people in my life and the only thing keeping me going is bands. I have bad social anxiety and I can’t stand others seeing my ugly face. some people at school tease me but that is only to impress their friends. I truly hate myself. every feature about me. my nose, my hands. my back, my elbows, my chin, my cheeks, my fingers, my toes. my thighs, my calves, my face and just everything. Not too many people care about me, maybe 4 people who might be sad for a day or two if I died. I feel like crap everyday. so many days I was close to committing suicide.