Monster.

Whatever I try to do to get away from this, and to show who I am.. just fails.

I’m just labeled. You know what it’s like, to go anywhere in this town and have people talk down to you, or warn you? To work up my already dwindling self image only to have one word or evil glance just shatter it?

‘You’ isn’t anyone particular, it’s just a way to scream into the void.

I’m not posting my thoughts for any agenda other than you try and write my mind down. I’m not looking for your pity or sympathy. I’m not looking for your guilt.

You don’t have to read these posts if they disturb you or if I’m too melodramatic or depressive. Know that this is a real illness; you can’t just wave it away. You can’t tell a cancer patient to stop having tumors, you can’t will a broken arm to heal itself quickly.

I’m not a monster. Why do I feel like a monster? I tell myself I’m genuine and believe that I care for a lot of people. Why do I feel like Frankenstein’s abomination?

I’m already just holding on, barely in the fight anymore. Please stop throwing rocks at me, I’m begging you.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a social outcast. To already have your own brain working against you.

I’m trying to hard, I’m trying every day to just want to live. To want to deal with this shit again and again. To stop wishing every breath was my last so I could finally be at peace.

The only reason I haven’t taken matters into my own hands… is because I would hurt the few true genuine friends in my life. I don’t want to be remembered as the victim, but the person I was. The real, true, human man.