I think I finnally understand why you people want to kill yourself and why my brother killed himself. I guess you have this image of what you want to be and a totally opposite image of what you think you are. You think about yourself in a very negative way and “all” you want is to be is perfect,so you would stop letting everybody down. And you just cant change. You stay the same negative person and you want to be positive more than ever. This gap between who you are and who you want to be is getting bigger and bigger until… Someone said, that death is like jumping of a clif, but for you guys is more like stepping of a rock. Death is relief, peace, end of everything bad, because there is no good left in your lives…
Am I even close or am I shooting in the dark?
5 comments
“Death is relief, peace, end of everything bad, because there is no good left in your lives…”
You read my mind.
Actually there’s just 1 person that keeps me alive and keeps this little light of hope inside of me. If I didnt had it, I’d try to kill myself again right now and it would be my 3rd attempt.
But really youre not shooting in the dark or even close either because every single person has their own reasons.
At the end I think it happens because we cant deal with things we cant change or arent able to change.
It’s not a one size fits all thing when it comes to why. We all have our own issues that for whatever reason makes us need to end it all.
Not perfect but normal. Nobody is perfect but there are normal people. I do wish I could have ended up different than what I am now. I never knew I would be a piece of trash. My only social contact with other humans is on a suicide forum. (a fuckin shame) I haven’t literally spoken to another person in weeks. I hate what I have become its EVERYTHING society rejects. I have nothing to offer anybody I dont have shit to lose If I was to die today. My funeral would be my mother and sister a few scattered family members and maybe a few former friends that came out of pity but I doubt it. I dont care about life anymore. Its quality isnt worth the pain I feel every second
@smusmu:
The worst part is that you can never understand, until you’ve been there yourself. And once you’re there, it’s impossible to adequately explain, sufficiently convey, to anyone who hasn’t been there; perhaps even anyone who isn’t there now.
You’re “close,” but… i’m not sure i can explain, to you, how or why… and as reno said, it’s not the same for everyone, despite it being inherently similar.
You shouldn’t think it’s about “negativity,” and you shouldn’t think it’s about “perfection,” and you shouldn’t think it’s about us having an inaccurately “negative” view of ourselves. Most of us are probably worse than anyone else thinks we think we are… but we still probably think better of ourselves than we “deserve.”
It’s not about whether it’s “easier” to step off a stone, than to jump off a cliff. It’s more like… earth is but a pebble… and there is nothing on that pebble that is both desirable and attainable. It’s not that we literally don’t want anything, but more that we can’t reach what is worth enduring a lesser life to attain and maintain. Plus, who says anyone keeps what they fight for? Most probably don’t.
Too much is too wrong and too hurtful and too onerous, and the severity and frequency of suffering eventually eclipses the will to endure, especially without any feasible way to reach anything worth hurting for.
He would probably regret causing your sadness… but i think he would understand that you don’t understand.
It’s not about perfection. It’s not a misunderstanding, on our part. It’s not lack of trying, and it’s not about what’s “easy” or not. It’s not that there “is no good left” in our lives… though that may be true for some.
It’s about we just can’t handle the way things are, anymore, and have no other way to make it cease, and no reasonably justifiable basis to think that the things we can’t change, will. It’s not just us. It’s also everything else.
Relief, release, the end of all the gainless pain and stress of requirements and unfulfilled desires… the end of all the bad, by trading the chance for any further good. It’s almost always a heavily and thoroughly considered choice… but often occurs somewhat spontaneously. Most of us spend a lot of time and energy fighting the urge to end it, striving for ways to convince ourselves that persistence will pay off, and that determination is an honorable and beneficial trait… but eventually, we have enough of the truth hammering us in the face, and it’s just time. Anything to end the agony, even up to and including forfeiting the life that allows agony to be experienced.
Some people are able to “look into the future,” and see that death is the only thing that will prevent them from being increasingly miserable for a long, extended period of time… possibly until whatever end may come naturally, in the future. When you look into the future and see that… it’s incredibly difficult to avoid thinking “why wait?”
Thank you guys for your honest answers. Like clevername said, I dont fully understand your reasons, but thats ok. I changed my opinion about suicide completely since my brother died. I had that feeling of guilt, that I should have saved him, I could have saved him, but now I now, he wouldnt want to be “saved”. He handeled his problems in his way, the only way he knew how. Its ok. We are different. Just because I would handle life tottaly different it doesnt mean his way was wrong. I respect his choice. I allways said that, but now I actually mean it.
There are a lot of “I” in my writting. I am basicly a very selfish person and thats why it was hard to accept his act of killing himself, because that is something I wouldnt do.