I tried to kill myself, I don’t know why.

Just now. It was over something really stupid, a game with my younger sisters. I was pretending to be asleep, they were trying to wake me up. Dad asked if we wanted to go to the pool. I didn’t, so I kept pretending. They mocked me, called me rude, and said they knew I would move from that position as soon as they left. Harmless kid stuff, really. But as soon as they left, I just started crying. I knew I was going to lose and I just didn’t want to lose. I looked for ways to ‘get revenge’ I found none. I took a pillow, a suitcase, put them both on my face, laid on the floor, and tried to suffocate myself. It didn’t work, I was crying a lot. There was a belt on the floor, I tied it around my neck and pulled. I wrapped it around and shut it in the door. I leaned forward to choke myself. I was crying, I didn’t want to do it by I had to. I knew there were ways that would work. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was screaming that I didn’t want to. I took a glass to the bathroom, and I think if we had anything other than liquid medicine I would be dead. I just have no idea what happened or why or if I even wanted to die. And of course I’m still going to lose.