I have sent this from my hospital bed I have already lived in five weeks after I turned sixteen. Nearly two years have passed by now.
At first it didn’t seem to be so bad. I didn’t have to go to school and I got a lot of visitors. But slowly my health started to deteriorate. I was moved from one hospital to the next. Every day I seem to be getting more medication. Apperently I have a genetic disorder where literally my body slowly falls apart.
Now I have come to the point that getting out of bed and going to the toilet starts to become impossible, it’s a 8 feet journey. But it just takes too much energy.
Most of my days I spend sleeping or staring at the white walls and ceiling of my room.
I lost all contact with the outside world and my only friend I have left is my phone. Yet I regret having this friend. Every time I have my phone in my hands I feel the urge to check Facebook so I can see how all my old friends are doing… Going on vacations, having fun… I just want to be healthy again, that’s all. But there’s no change that is ever going to happen.
So I made this plan. I have my own private room in this hospital and it’s at the ninth floor. Every day, at 11:00AM, just before they serve me my dinner at 11:30AM, the hospital staff opens the window in my room to ventilate it. As they leave I have a 30 minute opportunity to get to the window and jump out of it. I never wanted to die this way but I don’t think I will be able to hang on to my life I’m having now any longer. I have set the seventh this month as my final date, or maybe I will jump even earlier.
So I just wanted to say goodbye to all you people. I have been visiting this site for the past three months and have read may of the stories posted on here. I finally made an account to share my story.
If you’re thinking about killing yourself, made a good plan on how to do it. And I hope for you that you will succeed the first time.
Goodbye people. Â Love you all.
7 comments
See you in the afterlife. Make sure the details of your plan are all worked out. Hope the pain ends soon brother, sending you love
If you read my comment before you go.. I hope it really is the only option for you. Don’t suffer if you have the chance to end it quick.. That’s what I would do in your situation.. Cuz I know it hurts having your body fall apart piece by piece. Hope you find relief soon and good luck. Much love. @}–
Sorry to hear this. I hope that somehow modern medicine can find something to ease your pain …
i feel your pain. ive been chronically ill with something thats been destroying and slowly deteriorating my mind for the past 5 years. its unbearable. nobody knows real pain until they feel chronic pain. Physical, mental, or emotional doesn’t matter its all real pain. Especially when its chronic and it continues to get worse day by day. I totally get it. I don’t condone telling somebody its ok for them to die, so I will say hopefully ill see you post on here once again.
Yeah, it is generally more acceptable if you have a debilitating medical problem because most people would consider suicide in that situation. I find that euthanasia is actually something most people support.
While I am not confined to a hospital, my chronic pain and fatigue have been getting worse for the last 12 years. I do understand what you’re going through. Check that the floor you’re on is of sufficient height, and work toward the goal that one way or another you find the peace you’re looking for.
Such a sad story I feel for you(i know you must get that alot.) I dont like telling someone to kill themselves but im all in favour of euthanasia in extreme cases. I hope youve really thought this through and are not overlooking anything Youre leaving behind.