It’s about time to end it all

And again the cycle is repeated. The nights are the worst. That’s when the thoughts are prevalent. And what is it that stops me? It’s the idea of my body. No one deserves to find a loved one dead,especially if it’s at his own hand. Children need to live happy lives,not be scarred and tortured with gruesome images. No one deserves this pain. I want my life to be extinguished. The pain doesn’t matter because in the end I will succeed. The nights get colder and colder. My sheets aren’t enough. There is no warmth in my heart,just a void that never seems to end. The ice numbs me down to nothing. It hurts so much. I don’t belong amongst the living. These people all have dreams and goals that they want to accomplish.Me? Not a single fucking thing. Who was I kidding with art…there was never a fucking chance that I would ever survive with that. “Follow your heart” Yeah well that’s the problem. I keep on listening to the shattering yells of my heart. Why does everything turn out to be painful? What happened to the Eden I was in? Did I do something wrong? Of course I did. What didn’t I do? What didn’t I say? Truly,there is no way for redemption. The scars are here to remind me of my pain. To remind me that I lack the balls to finish it all. It really is simple. Just fall down. Fall down and crash. Surely that’s the easiest way. And again the frost of the night crashes against me. Slowly I’m losing everything that’s me. It’s what attracted you,and now I’m making sure that no one else makes the same mistake. Videogames are a waste of my time. I don’t need them. That was the only thing keeping me alive. I could escape from the world..but now I can’t. Every time I try to run away I always find you. You are in the games…in the anime..in my art…you are everywhere and I can’t escape. It’s like dying day after day. I awake with perseverance and I end the night with hopelessness. Why is that? Because I’m trying to live for the sake of the family. They are all strong…and I have hurt so many already. Every day I try to live with myself,but that’s impossible when I know I’m the reason I’m miserable. I need to eliminate the problem. Myself. I have grown to the point that I’m so secluded from everyone. I’m not who I appear to be. Putting on this mask…this fucking piece of shit charade…it’s tiring. I don’t need this pain. Why does the world get to be happy when they don’t deserve it? All they do is plague this fucking planet. Countless masses of useless creatures. How fucking pathetic. As if I am one to speak. I’m no better than any of them. I might be worse…the lowest shit stain on this planet. The ice is freezing me over. It’s gotten to the point that I avoid using the word “love”. I can’t even say it to my mother. What kind of monstrosity am I? No one deserves this. I will suffer even after death. I will vanish from existence and I will burn in hell for all eternity. There will never be an escape route for me. I’m doomed to live in this circle of hell. Doomed to live half alive. Doomed to live as a shell. Doomed to plague this world with my existence. Doomed to watch the world around me rise above me. Doomed to die and wake up day after day. Doomed to watch my light vanish into the ephemeral darkness and be engulfed..doomed to watch everyone disappear..doomed to find countless others that will abandon and forget me…no
Not again
Not ever again
Fuck this world
Fuck every single fucking thing on this useless planet.
Vanish
It all needs to Vanish..
No..I need to vanish..I need to redeem myself…and only blood will redeem my sins…blood..