Lack in self esteem

I’m so ugly. So fat. I can’t help but feel naked without my make up on. I feel ashamed to go out in public. Like people will laugh at me and call me names. I feel bad for people who have to look at me all the time, I’m sorry. I’m 5’4 and 173 pounds, I’m huge. I need to stop eating my feelings. Why does everyone have to be so mean though? I’m so nice to everyone else and all I get in return is getting called emo, slut, whore, fatass, ****… like what the fuck man? And then my friends parents accuse me of shit that I don’t do. I swear one day I’m just going to fucking kill myself. You would think I would have someone who try’s to support me, but no, Even my own MOTHER told me to Kill myself. She said it would make her life much easier. She once abused me because of the earrings I was wearing and I called her a ***** and tried to stand up for myself.. but I couldn’t do it.. I’m never able to stand up for myself. I’m so fucking worthless.  If I could change one thing in the world.. It would be my birth. I would be sure, somehow, that I was a miscarriage..