Hi. So I’m new here, and frankly don’t know why I joined in the first place. I guess I thought it would be nice to see other people who are going through the same mental torment as me.
So I’m 18 year old male that just graduated last year. I’ve been majorly depressed for over 5 years now and its only gotten worse in the last couple of years. I almost failed school because I couldn’t concentrate on anything properly. At graduation everyone was so happy and I just sat there loathing the idea of having to do anything else. Everyone went out partying afterwards but I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. I have plenty of freinds but I rarely see them anymore because I can’t bring myself to act happy in front of them, I doubt any of them would understand anyhow. I started cutting my self last year, I don’t know why I do it, it just gives me a sense of relief somehow.
My parents have no idea, and i don’t intend to ever tell them. (They have to many problems on their hands dealing with money and my idiot younger brother) Not a minute goes by that i don’t think about suicide. The only reason I haven’t done it already is because I still live with my parents and it would be awful for them to find my body.I guess I still might. I would probably sell all my stuff leave the money to my parents, then go out to the woods somewhere, find a high tree branch and hang myself.
Anyhow thanks for listening, I guess.
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9 comments
I’m gonna guess your here for the same reasons most of us are here.. You googled the word “suicide”. No?
well “suicide methods”
Close enough!! 🙂 welcome to the suicide project!! Hope you find inspiration to improve your quality of life!
Welcome to the suicide project, I do hope you make it out of here alive.
I hope this won’t insult you, but: Ever tried searching professional help? I mean, you’ve been depressed for so long and by the description you gave about lacking energy to even live, maybe it’s more “neurological†than “psychological.â€
No matter what some people tells you, depression is an actual illness that can be diagnosed AND treated, like lupus or the flu. Not because it’s in your mind it means it doesn’t exist or it’s about you being pathetic (because either you might think so or others made you think so). A doctor can give you a whole lecture on how it works, even.
I have some friends who have clinical depression. They say it’s a pain at first with the pill treatment and et cetera, BUT they’re doing well.
Tell your parents. If you worry so much about them I bet they worry a lot about you, too. You might feel like a burden at first, but there’s no worse feeling than the one of losing a child or a sibling. And I assure you: no economical issue compares to burying a son.
May I ask where are you from ?
Australia
I have been diagnosed. I did have a prescription of pills for awhile but i can’t afford them anymore.
Hi! I’ve been reading the posts in this website for a while, but I hadn’t felt the need to register until now. The reason I wanted to comment here is because your situation is a lot like my own. The line “Not a minute goes by that i don’t think about suicide.” feels like if I have written it.
The solution I have came up with is to work as hard as I can, and to save as much money as possible, so I can afford to live by my own sooner. That way I’ll make my parents think everything is OK, and when enough time had passed, I’ll be finally able to disappear from their lives, so I can kill me in an isolated place.
I don’t like people to feel pity for me. It’s evident that if I manage to kill myself, I’d be better off than if I keep living, but apparently most people just cannot do the math.
Sorry for talking too much; it’s your post, not mine after all. I hope you can find your peace!