i’m Alex  (a girl) .. i get bullied a lot and nobody even cares . the school staff and my family know about it but they just don’t care . i get called names , threatened , sometimes hit/kicked/punched , people give me dirty looks , and spread rumors about me , and etc. Even family has told me to kill myself along with people at school . i am pretty sure i was touched inappropriately when i was a young kid. i am bisexual . i don’t know what to do anymore.. i just feel so alone , lost , worthless , and etc.. […]
July 2013
So, since discussing methods is not allowed how bout discussing self destructive tendencies. I personally like to sleep deprive myself by abusing caffeine pills. I smoke tobacco and generally try anything to push my mood into a more depressed state. So first, sleep deprivation. Before I was on medication for my depression my sleep cycle was completely reversed. I would be awake during the night and sleep during the day. However, I was still in school so I often could not sleep during the day which meant no sleep at all for a day. Which I kinda enjoyed except for the fact that my marks […]
I am so sad and lonely I just want to die I’m 17 and I’m married I live with my mom and grandma and my sister I got married cause I thought it would have made my boyfriend stop cheating witch it did but I always wonder when he gets mad he hits me or he hits himself and spits his blood at me I cut because I’m tired of being emotionally hurt I rather feel a different pain but when my husband sees my cuts he slaps me and squeezes me where I cut and makes me cry but he hits me and tells […]
And my mind was going crazy, with words like no, no. no but so was my heart with yes, and the aching desire for more. Your lips were soft but strong, your hands pressed against me, but light and fluttering, like the unrelenting butterflies, dancing in my stomach.
I’m writing here to tell you guys how I feel. As one of the posts I read, this person implied that he/she isn’t suffering from anything dramatic such as a traumatic experience, death of loved ones, problems in relationships or family matters. I myself could say the same. Anyone would want a simple life like mine but guess what.. Even I’m suffering. I’m suffering in a way that doesn’t make sense at all. I think of contemplating suicide, some days more than others. Why? Because of these horrific and nightmarish thoughts I have. I can’t stand the fact of knowing we are like […]
sometimes my eyes leak water onto my face without the feeling of crying. Â it’s unsatisfying.
I take the subway everyday, so of course that’s very tempting, but today I really considered it. I think my survival instinct is still stronger though. For the first time I walk as far as I could from that pass to freedom, because y body sensed something was going to happen. I am in so much pain right Now. I can’t cut myself anymore though, because I would have a hard time hiding the scars. What I have found out is that punching myself gives me the same feeling of relief as cutting and it gives e a numb feeling, which I love. It doesn’t […]
im tired of life. theres nothing anymore and everything means nothing more and more everyday. im losing more and more all the time. i dont care about anything. nothing means anything to me and there is nothing i want and no where in the world i want to live. i cant talk to people in the real world and have no friends. a couple days ago the closest friend i have (a guy i met online) attacked me at his house out in the woods and i thought for sure i would die. i had to mace him and run and hide in the woods […]
If you kill yourself where do you plan to leave the body?
Ive been too depressed to post lately, not that I havent been writing replies because I have but its come to the point where I just cant bring myself to click the post button .. I just think, well, its like something dies in me and I think ‘why bother’?
My whole life and especially the last few years Ive always been unappreciated, even If I am apprieciated sometimes it doesnt quite weigh the balance back to being so.
I’ve got one person in my life who likes to talk, trouble is he is so negative and destructive in his personality and things he says that it just always […]
Any advice? I dont have nightmares or anything it just feels like Ive forgotten how to sleep I cant turn my head off.
As we diligently work hard to better our future there always seems to be an outside force working against.
The hunger to achieve success seems insatiable.
And the question is: what is success?
Is it the satisfaction of knowing you have done all that you can do?
Is it knowing you have done all the right things and can hold you head up high?
Is it acheiving a six figure salary? or just making a salary.
Is it giving and receiving love?
or is it simply just being happy no matter the circumstance?
Whatever it maybe for other people success for me would simply be: having […]
I never thought i would ask for help in such an unknown place. I genuinely feel like im a black mark on the earth and all i do is create sadness.i try so hard to cope and its not good enough. I fail at everything i try and do and i am trying to push everyone i can away from me because i dont know how to talk to anybody anymore.
i used to be very confident and a happy person all round and i still find the good in everything i can accept myself. Now all i want to do is hide. Ive suffered […]
With recent legislation in my state, I thought I could get the health care I need as a transgender person covered under my insurance. I started to think, hey, maybe life is possible. I have no money but maybe I can have this. Blog posts and other members confirmed. Guess what? I contacted my insurance and my plan has a specific ban on covering ANY services for transgender people! So sweet!
My last little crumb of hope is gone. I have tickets for a few concerts later this year then I’m out. I hope I get to meet my favorite singer before I croak, that […]
As my previous post was deleted because I referred to specific methods under consideration for ending my suffering, I’ll leave that out. Â I’ll only say that I’m considering the two most likely methods that would have me ending up dead.
Why would I want to end up dead? Â Over two decades of health problems that 20+ doctors have not been able to provide assistance with. Â Most doctors either didn’t want me as a patient, refused to consider my long list of symptoms, or misdiagnosed me and provided treatments that were either ineffective or worsened my underlying health problems. Â I have chronic fatigue (undiagnosed for 10 years), […]
I dont think i can handle this anymore i just wanna die so bad i think is the only escape i have for this suffering, look like everything is bad and get worst my.My parents are monsters that just scream and beat me and treat me like shit just cuz i born for mistake ,my ex raped me when i was little and beat me all days for no reason he called me names for 3 years and then show pics of mines naked to everyone and i was forced to take that pictures or he beat me more and now i cant forget it […]
I made a post that appeared yesterday, and I saw four comments underneath it by the evening. Â And today I can find no trace of what I posted. Â I discussed the issues I had been going through, and what I planned to do about it. Â Like I said, four different responses had appeared beneath it. Â And now the post and comments are nowhere to be found.
When I click on my username, it tells me that there are “no posts by this author.”
Anyone have an explanation as to what may have happened?
Filed under General and Stories of Loss, not just because of what I’ve lost in […]
I’m a worthless creature I don’t deserve to live I want everybody to leave me alone but they just don’t they are always just over there. I’m a disappointment to everyone who really knows me. I’m full of shit so why don’t people just let me be. I prefer myself when I’m alone. I don’t like to set around with my family they do not accept who I am or understand me they see a glance of who really I am and they do not like it but they are good people and I don’t deserve having them. I don’t want them near me because […]
I have fallen into an old routine. Exposed to the same torment that I so proudly beat. But now, It has returned with a vengeance. It has given me two months of happiness. How sly It is. How cunning. Amazing, how It can vanish without a trace, but still control your every breath, weighing it down with Its hatred. It may not always be visible. You may not always be able to feel It. But It is always there. Watching. Waiting. A slow, silent killer. It takes away your pain but just briefly. Rids your life of any scum that dare deny you happiness. But […]
So in five days a television show will be in the area and they are looking for extras. I really want to go and do it, I could careless about pay or time I just want the experience as my acting resume is very small. However my mom is one of those anti-fame/ anti-anything that has to do with the industry of acting/singing/performing. She just doesn’t understand. She always complains about celebrities and how they are so dumb and they’re rich for nothing and blah blah. She doesn’t want what I want in life. I’m a high honours student in life but I just don’t […]