For years, I’ve felt helplessly depressed. But through it all I had some mysterious and sometimes unwanted glimmer of hope keeping me moving on. I waited in my solitary shell for something to destroy the barrier I’ve built around myself and take me into a life worth living. I watched the world go by, knowing that I’ll never be like the beautiful people, the successful people. But that voice in my head kept telling me that there’s still hope for me. I hoped, and still do, to grow old and look back to say: “I’m proud of who I am”. But that voice that kept […]
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Hypocrites
I’m tired of such hypocrites and judgmental individuals. I have made mistakes in my life, I’ve done some screwed up shit. But guess what? SO HAVE YOU. There’s no reason to act as if you are a saint. It’s ridiculous.
I’m tired of drama. No one cares about your life. That’s one concept that nearly ALL of humanity cannot seem to grasp. The only reason they would care about or even acknowledge your life is if there were DRAMA. Doesn’t that kind of seem like a freak show? Like the audience (humans around you) are enjoying watching you struggle with some obstacle or watching you completely fuck your […]
The thing about religion
You have to act perfect
Fit in
Go to their youth groups
Pray all the time
What’s the downs about religion?
Oh I’ll tell you
You get judged all the time
Talked about
Stared at rudely
Being called the “devil”
Just because I stated my thoughts
They say they won’t judge you
But they do
I would think of religion as of something I would feel comfortable having
But I guess I was wrong
A bunch of hypocrites, can I say?
Everyday all I want to is cry. Nothing has every really worked out for me. My mother has gotten breast cancer twice and my brother is stuck with a chronic disease for the rest of his life. I can’t trust anyone because they are all judgemental fucks especially church, the one place you would expect to feel free and even there there is no peace. Only a bunch of hypocrites. I can’t talk to anyone that’s why I’m writing here, I can’t tell anyone how I feel in person I just seem to burden them. I tried to overdose on pills but it did nothing, […]
I’m sick of them saying to me “All that matters is that you’re ok” or “well thank god you’re alive” . No. Just stop leave me alone with your lies, I should have died that day. “At least your alive” for what ?! To live with the pain, insults, complaints, threats, beatings, verbal abuse, yelling , hitting I just can’t take it anymore . But hey at least I’m alive( to suffer). I don’t even know why I’m here, I’m tired of everything and everyone . Living a life I don’t want or feel satisfied in , I hate living in society and doing things […]
It’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been super busy with my new cashier job… Which makes me want to cut my arms open. I drive 40 minutes to stand in one spot for 8 hours doing the same thing over and over, making min. wage. Everything is all wrong. This life is too much. My family is in pieces, my love life is falling right behind it, I’ve lost all my friends and become addicted to drugs and shit…
They keep telling me I’m crazy and I need help so I just keep telling them to shove it. I may be crazy but I’d […]
It’s gradualy filling up.My heart is turning jet black,I just feel it.It always felt so empty but now the void is replaced with hatred and disgust.Hatred for my own kind.Hatred for myself most.I’m such a trash.A trash that live in this dump called earth.A dump filled with being I consider trash as well,all piled up together.
I just can’t feel contempt,I can’t be happy here.The only thing that kept me here so long are video games,pathetic as it may.I’m tired of wasting every days away on those stupid games so my poor little self don’t have to think about anything.I achieve nothing everyday.
I just hate humankind.
I […]
“Think of the people you’ll leave behind.” They’re the reason I’m committing suicide.
by SuicideBoy
written by SuicideBoy
One of the  big reasons people don’t kill themselves is that they don’t want to hurt their friends & family. But when I think of them it just makes me want to pull the trigger even harder. All those two-faced liars and hypocrites need to see me dead with my brain in a million pieces; they need to wake up and see the real world… a place where cruelty has consequences, where lies can kill, and where some of us should be taken seriously when we say we need help. To all my friends and family who failed me, I do this for you.
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
I hate being one, and I’m sure you do too. But you know, sometimes it can’t be helped.
I see people struggling to get through life, and I try to help them. I tell them it will get better. I try to give them hope.
But you know, I don’t feel that way. I refuse for people to get close to me because I’m a worthless *****. I’ve given up hope. I don’t think it will ever get better.
Of course, being the hypocrite I am, I will say that all I want to do is die, but I don’t want you to because […]
I hate the fact that I have things that hold me back from committing suicide. It’s just like the guilt and the people I meet and know and the future I might have that holds me back from doing it. I hate how I have these good times where everything goes smoothly and it seems like it’s going to be okay and then it turns to shit. I just hate it. I hate how one bad thing affects my whole day. How one person can call me an asshole and not to have an attitude when I react to somebody snapping at me and then […]
Right now I’m only living because I am alive.To not waste what I consider a magnificent oportunity to discover,feel and enjoy everything that moves your heart.Yet no matter how hard I look,no matter how hard I search,I can’t find the rope to guide me trough the maze.I feel so alone…Everyone around me seem so far away,like I was in a different dimension overlaping his one but I couldn’t be touched.I can’t find what moved my heart anymore.Everyday seem wasted.I think: “If I was going to do nothing again,I should have stayed in bed”…Worthless chatter “It’s finaly geting hot outside!”…”I love the cold…”.Everybody looks at me […]
We are all dead anyhow so what does it matter if we choose to leave this painful world early? It is only the hypocrites who live pain free who argue so strongly against suicide. Yet if they had to live through the pain that most people who contemplate suicide do they’d likely be the first to blow their brains out.
Ever since June 9, 2008…. I am embarrassed to admit that it may be June 8th of that year, but that day was probably the worst day of my life. A lot of shit went down, that day was like a fucking movie it was so unreal. Some days I tell myself it never happened, as for that is the only way I can cope with it. This world is simply a ball of shit. Hypocrites living out their every day contradictions. Those claiming to be “real” but whose lives are built up on lie after lie, after lie, after lie…. People claiming they love […]
Five months later and I’m back at square one.
Jump or don’t jump?
I fear making mistakes.
I fear disappointing my mother.
I fear life beyond campus.
I fear not being able to repay student loans.
I fear the inevitable graduation.
I fear making choices.
People keep telling me that life is precious. Life is what you make it. But what good is life if you don’t know what to make of it?
They call me selfish. Suicide is selfish. You have no right to end your life.
Hypocrites.
I’m sick of the uncertainty. I’m sick of the fear. Why should I live for others? It’s pointless; they all die in the end. So no matter […]