for the future

Where am I? What am I doing here?

I’m here. In a foreign country. On the ledge. Looking down. Will this kill me if I jump? What if I don’t die, what happens then? Is it worth it?

I’m worthless. Worth nothing. Quite seriously I’ve just been told I’m dirty and selfish and I don’t know basic manner. By the man I loved.

I guess it does everyone a favour if I die. Apparently I make everyone tired. Apparently all of my behaviours are annoying. Apparently my face is depressing to look at.

I’m too worthless to even die properly. I’m so scared. I’m scared of the pain of death. I’m scared of the pain of living. Which would hurt me the most?

I wish someone could have shown me I’m valuable. I wonder if my mom will see this note.

And with this, I give up. If the fall doesn’t kill me I hope it puts me in a vegetative state. I want people to know I tried. I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough.