i fucking hate life.

i’m so sick and tired of existing. sometimes i don’t feel fear, i am terrified of the pain that will come with killing myself because there is no easy way out, but sometimes i feel no fear, i feel desperation and unbearable pain. i just want it to be over and i NEED the courage to just fucking do it. i’m miserable and tired. the worst part to all of this is that there is no reason behind any of the pain that i feel or for that matter the pain anybody feels. theres no reason. no meaning. nothing. as they say, shit just happens. and this is not a world i want to live in and there is nothing beautiful about depression. nothing is beautiful about self harm or eating disorders or sexual abuse or fucking anything. it’s a sick, twisted, cruel, fucking world and i cannot do this anymore. i never could.