I’m the problem.

“You kind of screwed everything up.”
“You’re the problem”
“This is why we don’t want you here.”

I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m trying my hardest to find peace and happiness. I’m trying to do what’s right for me, but that’s not a popular decision.

Last week I made the choice to leave the university I was attending for a community college near my home. I’m still going to become a nurse, it’s just a different path. I didn’t want to move back into my house, but my parents made me. I wanted to move in with my grandpa, he has an open apartment upstairs, but my parents said I had to move home so I did. In the few days I’ve been home I’ve already scheduled all my classes for the community college and I have obtained a job. I feel like I made the best decision for me. My sister’s and dad haven’t been very supportive. I hear them talking about how I’ve screwed everything up, about how I’m the problem, and they don’t want me here. Sometimes they say it to my face, sometimes behind my back, but it always cuts deep. They have no idea how many months I’ve dreamt of suicide. They don’t know that they are making this all a little easier for me to kill myself. Maybe then they’ll be happy. I screwed everything up. I’m the problem.