On the edge

Hi. It has been 3 years of constant downfall with my family. I am 19 years old, and somehow cannot seem to do anything right. I have tried running many business that involve things that I am good at. I try and create things a lot, and I am big into innovation. But my biggest problem is somewhere during my junior year of highschool I just gave up. There has been so many bad things in my life, that I just cant explain, but I am here now, and I honestly just want to legitimately die. I dont think I have enough in me yet to actually kill myself, but trust me I am wishing and hoping someone would do it for me. I tend to create these fantasys in my life where I actually think I am something else just so I can be happy. And it always falls a part on me. I cant seem to do anything right, even though I have such a great, wonderful and loving family, but they just cant trust me anymore and I dont know whats wrong with me. I love them so much, but they dont believe a thing I say anymore, and are extremely hurt from my sister, and I have a feeling they are starting to think that I have somehow become as bad as my sister. I am getting closer and closer everyday to getting enough in me, to actually kill myself and I am just hoping someone may be able to help me. I have tried so much to convince me otherwise, and I dont know what to do, for it has not helped. I am on the edge, and about to die.