Last night I posted this video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9OpaekXGWPc. I plan to let you all know about my last week here on earth.
Today, I mostly slept. I feel unbelievably tired. Almost like I felt when I took overdoses in the past. It’s weird. I went for a walk around the town where I live but I’m scared of others. What are they thinking? Why are they looking at me? I feel I’m there physically but spiritually I’m not there fully. It’s like I’m floating around. In four weeks I’m supposed to get a nephew… today I found out my sister in law is being induced Wednesday. The day I plan on committing suicide. But I can’t let that stop me. Don’t call me selfish. I’ve made some plans with friends for the next couple of days and I’ll let ye know how they go.
Six Days To Go.
22 comments
Why this specific date? Does it have segnificance?
No, I’ve given myself one week.
Don’t do it. I’d wanna say you’ll be lucky but don’t.We all suffer and have tremendous pain. Live, try to live. I’m only 2 years older than you and I have so much pain in my heart. Live because we were born to live.
One week to live or one week to change your mind? Either way I hope its a fuffiling week, I get the impression ud be great to role a.joint with. May I be so bold as to ask how you plan to go?
@Life, technically weve been dying sence we were born if our finall destination is death prehaps we were infact born to die…
Ask your friends how they are going to feel when you kill yourself. Seriously, ask them. After that, ask your mom and dad, and any brothers or sisters. It would be a mistake my friend, an irreversible, permanent mistake, that all the people who care about you, would have to live with. And they will blame themselves, not you. Do you want everyone who knows you to keep wondering every day for the rest of their lives, what they could have said or done differently when they saw you the last time the did? I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I know you feel guilty enough already. You have friends in real life, and you have friends on here, who have similar thoughts and feelings to you. Don’t leave everyone behind.
@Procel I don’t disagree. I completely agree. We are born to die and I know it. Why shorten the process then?
I counter with why delay the inevitable? Its not that I want gonnadie19 to die, the exact oppsite but I just dont want her to leave cause we all pressuring her to stay, if shes ready to die I wish her god speed and luck, if theres the slightest chance she wants to be helped im here. Ps sorry for talkjng like your not here @gonnadie
You both look at it behind the veil of suicide. Lift that black curtain and see what you saw when you were younger. When things were pure and everyday seemed great. ( if thats how it was for you) Remember how Christmas felt as a child? I could barely sleep, and would wake up at like 430am. We were not born to wait to die. We were born to enjoy our lives and make those around us who love us happy. I think about killing myself too, don’t get me wrong. But I have found ways to cope and block certain things. If anyone wants this feeling, don’t hesitate to talk to me. I’m not perfect, but I enjoy life now, compared to constantly trying to figure out how to kill myself.
that last post if for LIFE and PROCEL.
@ifound. When I was little I usto try and give myself skin cancer… I know it was stupid but I was like five or six. The feelings at christmas are explaned away by the fact we got stuff. Figuring out ways to kill yourself are easy, figuring out ways to go through with it and make it permanent are hard lol
Because we always see someone’s face, or fear what comes after. Because we know deep down, no matter how much pain or depression you really feel, it is not ok to kill yourself.
We aren’t children anymore. We don’t live in the bubble where everything is smiley faces and happy days anymore. Reality has a knack for slapping the shit out of you if you try to pretend you don’t see it. The only “reason” you were born is because a sperm cell entered an egg cell and you came to be. You were not born for the specific purpose to “enjoy life and make those who love us happy.” You were born because your dad fucked your mother and she didn’t abort you. If we were born for the purpose to enjoy life then why do so many suffer from this world? Surely a person born to enjoy life wouldn’t suffer so much. If we were born to make those who love us happy then who is born to make us happy? what if no one is born to make you happy….does that mean by default you are sad? Was Hitler, C.Manson, The Zodiac Killer etc born to make those “who loved them happy?” If so then something is fucked up.
“its not okay to kill yourself” who has to “okay” it? by whose authority is it not “okay” if it’s okay with the person wanting to end their own life. Your families? So they have ownership of your life? That have the right to enforce life upon you? even though you don’t want it? Its not fair to the person. Yes the family will grieve the loss but what death doesn’t cause grieving? Suicide is less harmful than murder. How? because with murder your life was stolen by another meaning you had no choice period. At least with suicide you had a choice and made what you felt was the best choice. Consent is a powerful thing.
Pain, why do you always have to shoot me down? I was born because two people loved eachother and wanted me to feel life, and love as well. As far as suicide being ok. It doesn’t have to do with anyone else, but yourself. You cannot honestly tell me that you believe it feels ok to think about killing yourself, or that it feels ok when you feel like actually attempting. That shit is scary, that shit gets your heart pumping, makes you feel alive, doesn’t it? But we all know, deep in ourselves, it’s not ok.
PainNlife well said man.
It’s not about shooting anyone down. It’s about being right.
Suicide is okay, if the person choosing it says so, even if the entire rest of the world disapproves. The individual belongs to himself, not anyone else. That is reality.
I’m not “shooting you down” I’m just voicing what I feel are inaccuracies is your reasoning. Again that is not why you were born. You were born because of the laws of nature. I.E two people procreated. You weren’t born because “two people wanted you to feel life and love” you were born because of sexual intercourse love had nothing to do with it. It is not a requirement in the equation that results in human life. Its raw penis + raw vagina = Newborn.
I can’t speak on anybody else for me is doesn’t feel right or wrong. Its not “bad” to consider suicide but its not “good” either its neutral. Yes it is scary because the unknown is scary we naturally fear the unknown. It does get your adrenaline going the moments before a sincere attempt but that’s the bodies survival instinct. The body wants to survive but the mind is superior to the body because it controls it. If your mind doesn’t want to live then your body can’t control the mind it can only activate the survival instincts which the mind, if under extreme duress, can easily override.
to say suicide is not okay is like saying it’s not okay to divorce or run away from an abusive husband/wife. you give effort to make the relationship work, but if the abuse continues and nothing changes, then there is nothing else left to do but to take off.
Nobody was born for any “reason” except that biological processes happen in the world. But you can find meaning to attribute to life, post hoc. There’s nothing wrong with that and in fact it’s probably rather healthy to do.
2 days left? Well I hope you find what you need. who knows maybe you will find something worth living for in the next couple of days. but if not I hope you find your peace.
I say that those who have the inclination should seek out their bubble. A bubble of like-minded friends, borders and just generally a life of substance that stands in defiance of the pressures surrounding it. Yes, bubbles pop. Maybe that is the point and the “reason”.
I’m not stopping you, but…I felt the same….I feel the same….. I never had friends, so at least that I can’t understand, I can see that you’re not selfish. you’re trying your best…. Good luck in the next life, I’ve tried to die….but it won’t go away….