need a little help

During high school I dated a few guys but I never felt /that/ connection – the one where you look at someone in the street and you feel like ***. I had accepted that I liked girls some time ago but there was no label that followed me as it was kept quite private. It wasn’t until I moved overseas for a year that I decided to be myself and see how things go. As it turns out, I learnt a lot through the people I met, and the relationships I shared with them. It was safe to be open and honest where I was – it’s where I met my girlfriend of three years today.

I struggled with accepting I actually didn’t find men sexually attractive. I thought: how could I be a lesbian – I don’t look like one, I don’t act like one…very superficial stuff. I spent months just obsessively watching vlogs about coming out, reading articles, everything that you could think of. In time I just stopped. I realised that sexuality is only a very small part of me and not only that – it was a private matter which I didn’t have to share if I didn’t choose to (and certainly did NOT have to adhere to stereotypes). To be honest, I personally hate the word “lesbian” and just identify as gay – and I’m comfortable with that. My girlfriend on the other hand doesn’t identify with anything. She loves women but doesn’t see the need to pigeon-hole herself. Which I think is beautiful.

Important note: sexuality is fluid. Have you heard of the Kinsey Scale? I recommend having a look. It’s theoretical but very easy to understand. It’s not the be all and end all but it’s a great place to gain some understanding of the degrees of sexuality. I suggest do some reading because there’s so much out there than just exclusively homosexual, bisexual, and heterosexual. When I was overseas I met pansexuals, asexuals and now that I’m at uni I know trans*, genderqueer, intersex people…there’s a never ending list of labels if that’s what you’re looking for.

The best thing you can do – and it’s easier said than done, believe me – is to just see how things go. If you meet a girl and you’re into her, and you feel she’s into you, go for it. If you find a guy and you feel like you’re more than friends, that’s great too. Don’t let anyone tell you who you should like or how you should like them.