17. Never gone to a party. Never had a girlfriend. Always ostracised. Never had sex. When I was in high school, all my classmates looked down upon me. Nobody ever treated me well. Even since year 7 I was actively excluded from doing the same things everybody did because my friends didn’t like me and I didn’t conform. At first I thought non-conformity was cool. Only a few years later did I discover this was social suicide. The reason why I discovered “A few years later” was because everybody kept this information from me because they wanted to keep me at the bottom of the social pyramid so they could be further towards the top. I remember a conversation in year 8 where I overheard a girl telling another girl about her love life (and breakup) with a boy. Afterwards I think she said something (roughly) along these lines:
“You don’t think T heard this, did he?”
“…”
“No, he might of, but I don’t think he heard”
Again, people drop silent when I go by. When I try to  join their conversations, they just stop speaking and do whatever they can to get rid of me. People treat me like I’m worth less than an animal and i’m tired of it.
2 comments
Im not going to say it gets better because im obviously on this site for a reason.. but Ill tell you.. as I got older.. when I moved when I made new friends life was for me a lot more tolerable, some days it was better.. for me. I was a “goth” girl I was outside the social norm and I LIKED and LOVED that. when I found like minded friends who embraced that also it was a little better… give it time… your very young and who knows the things that make you unique may one day be the things that make you happy.
I’m 20 years old and never been to a party. Never been drunk. Never had more than a couple of friends for a couple of years at a time. I had my first boyfriend at the age of 18, and it was a total surprise. Never ever could have I thought that someone would want me out of all the gorgeous girls out there.
Also, my ex was 20 years when he had his first girlfriend and obviously when he first had sex. He was perfectly normal and happy. And the fact that he’s my ex has nothing to do that he was 20 when he had his first gf. (He was kind of an overachiever besides at his studies, also in relationships so our relationship was never easy-going or relaxed.)
What I’m trying to say is that the perception of peoples sexuality is so twisted nowadays, that it makes the young feel bad about themselves for being “too inexperienced” or “retarded in sex” when they actually aren’t.
Think about it rationally. The people who rave about their relationships and sexual life are like 10% of teens. They usually are the popular ones. That’s only the about 10%. Nobody that hasn’t got a relationship or sexual action raves about it, so the only thing we hear about relationships and sex is “oh I just met the hottest college boy in the world and had an amazing night…”
So nobody has a realistic picture about teens and relationships. You are not left behind. There’s nothing wrong if you haven’t been into a party or had sex. You just are one of the more sane persons in the world of teens – think about the ones having sex all around the crazy-going parties – how many of the have std:s or teen pregnancies and how many of them regret the latest fuck that they didn’t even know?
I think you are lucky. I think you are mature. And I think that in the long term, you will be a LOT happier in your future relationship than any of those who are having sex and relationships now. 🙂
Just hang on. Love is just around the corner and will surprise you. Although it will also disappoint you. It will hurt you. But it will be worth it. 🙂 You are amazing and people will see it. ♥
My grandmom once told me: “You have to love yourself for anyone to be able to love you.”
You are worth loving. Just believe it. 🙂