ALONE

It’s crazy how you can be surrounded by so many people everyday but still feel so alone. It feels like no one is here to listen or care. I feel like such a disappointment to my parents and as if I’m losing everything and everyone. I try so hard to live a happy life but what’s the use if I’m not really happy. It feels like the walls are caving in on me and I’m letting them bc I want to give up. This summer was by far the worst summer of my life. I was at my lowest and I don’t recall anyone there for me. Everything was my fault. As long as I was to blame for everything then everything was okay right? I can’t believe the second chance I gave out was the biggest mistake. My bestfriend tells me to move on like it’s nothing. It didn’t happen to her. He didn’t cheat on her. He cheated on me. It’s not fair. I gave him the second chance he asked for. There’s just so much to taken in at once I couldn’t handle it anymore one night. Home alone, spent hours praying go God that it all gets better. But it doesn’t. Things only get worse. More hours spent sitting in front of a knife contemplating if it’s worth hurting myself even more. But I guess it is true when they say we are afraid to get hurt again. Whether if this pain were physical and not emotional or mental this time. I’ve never been so scared. Scared of myself. I just felt so lonely and thought that if I were dead maybe people would finally see how much I needed them. But like they say, they only care when you’re dead. How would that look? The girl who was always smiling killed herself.