False Happiness & Fake plastic Smiles

I have been threw a lot in my life some could say my life has been a struggle but not as bad as some have had it but bad enough. As I write this and I think about how good my life is going  at the current moment, I ponder how long until this current bout of happiness will last. I see so many people with smiles on there face and I wonder are they truly happy or are they just hiding it well? I have so much to live for as some say but I think otherwise I have a lot of internal issues I feel so alone so empty withdrawn I feel like a robot going threw the same motions day in and day out I often contemplate ending it all once and for all I set dates to do it they come and they go without me doing shit. I think the fear of the unknown is what has prevented me from making such a fatal decision I often confide with friends and tell them how I really shitty I feel deeply inside some of them crack jokes like well then if you are going to do it then just fucking do it and get it all over with sort of makes me feel even worse inside hell if I were gone it would have 0 impact I would be dead and life would go on. luckily I have not been in the place that I was many years ago such a dark clouded place that I never want to feel like that ever again but as of recently day after day I am gradually feeling worse the littlest things can get me into such a clouded existence  that  just want  to go threw with it and just make the choice in the end it comes own to either prolonging my internal loneliness and emptiness and suffering or making a choice and ending all my pain I had to get these feelings off of my chest I do hope that someone will come across this post and  may be able to conjure up some advice thank you for have taken the time to have read my post it surely is much appreciated One day at a time is all that I can ask for