Four Days Left…

It’s four days until it’s time to go for good. I keep pretending everything is fine and I’ll even see my therapist tomorrow. Of course she’ll want to talk about last week but I’ll just let her know that the thoughts are gone and I’m ok. If I really tell her, she’ll have to report me and I’ll be locked up in a nut house, so why bother? I’m screaming on the inside, honestly.

I’ve been asking close friends what they would do if they only had a few more days to live and I’ll slowly start doing what they say. Like yesterday morning, for example, this amazingly great and wonderful friend told me she would give her things away. Then she asked me what I would do. I told her I would write letters to everyone I loved the most (I already gave her her letter last week and I saw it inside her purse today – closed thankfully.) and I’d give them something that was meaningful to me so they could keep it forever. And that’s what I’m doing on Thursday with her, as it will be the last day I’ll see her. I wish I could see her on Sunday as well, but I believe she’ll be out of town.

Also, I talked to another therapist today, from my university. It all happened because I sent my Government teacher an email that was supposed to be sent to my therapist (it was 1am and they have the same name except for three letters.) Well, she forwarded my email to the college’s counselor who emailed me. I talked to her and told her a bunch of stuff and we scheduled another visit for the 23rd… but i won’t be here on the 23rd, but she doesn’t need to know that. Plus, I’ll also call a psychiatrist tomorrow as my therapist recommended him. There will be no session, there will be nothing.

This next weekend will be the last one… I’m counting down the days and everything is going by so fast and so slow at the same time. I’ll miss the ones I love more than anything else. But then again, I won’t be here to feel anything.