I’m so tired, it feels like I can fall apart every moment. I just.. ugh. But the weird thing is: I don’t want to commit suicide. Death is one of my biggest fears. I just want to be happy. I just started high school and I was like: I’m really gonna miss my old class, but I’m sure I’m gonna make new friends. My best friend came in the same class as me (let’s call her A), so I was really happy I wasn’t ‘alone’ because I’ve always been a shy girl. She made friends, I didn’t. I was happy for her, I can’t blame her for the fact I have to give much effort to make friends, but we never do anything together anymore. Luckily I had another best friend that is on the same school (she isn’t in the same class, but in the breaks we ‘eat together’. Let’s call her B). We both like anime, but ‘A’ said to everyone it was Pokémon so everyone thought I was really weird. (I don’t watch/play Pokémon, but I don’t really care if someone likes it, but many people I know think it’s some childish retarted game). A while ago I would think: oh no what will they think of me, but the last time I don’t really give a f*ck anymore. I don’t know why.. I just want to be happy.. I’m so tired, it feels like I can fall apart every moment.
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2 comments
I find it not right that friend “A” went ahead and made friends and stopped spending time with you, at your age I had no friends; I was a loner, even after I graduated and went to college a year and a half later. I believe friend “A” told everyone it was Pokémon because she felt that the others would not know what anime was, so she decided to just tell them it was Pokémon or she did it on purpose to make you and friend “B” look bad; possibly because the others would most likely not be excepting of you and her liking Pokémon and friend “A” possibly figured this or knew it. Anime has been around since the early 1900 in Japan, but it does not surprise me that some people may think it is something that has been around, only since Pokémon or do not even know what it is.
I recommend ignoring friend “A” and no longer having anything to do with her if you can, she has proven she no longer wants anything to do with you and is willing to assume stuff about you that is not true, such as you being interested in Pokémon and then telling people. I recommend establishing an even greater relationship with friend “B” and moving on if you can. I have been in your situation before in terms of friend “A,” but it would happen to me all the time when I was much younger. I would always make at least one friend during spring break or summer break at places I had to stay when my parents were working, but many times I would end up losing those friends to other people after a while and then the friends I lost did not want anything to do with me anymore.
You probably can fall apart in any single moment. But would that make anything better? Probably not. Kids your age can be so mean. So cruel. But in my experience, those are by far the most insecure, alone, and sad people. And in order to feel better about themselves, they do and act in such childish ways, feeding off from the sadness and misfortune of others. I wasn’t much for friends in HS either. I was pretty much a loner, and i ended up liking it that way. It’s better than dealing with the fakeness and the fronts people put up. Its exhausting! Realize one thing, you have you. And as long as you have you, you don’t need fake friends, or people pretending to be your friend. I’m glad to know that you don’t want to die. You shouldn’t have to! You are a unique soul, and you should stick around to see how things do get better!! Don’t worry about what others may day or think. Even though that’s easier said than done.