that big question

I have a feeling I am far older than you, but in the past year I have resurrected the cutting habit of my younger years. As an adult I do it much differently. I wash the area with alcohol or simply soap and water. Usually my thighs where they are less likely to be seen in everyday life. I hide this at all costs. Though I am quite scarred at this point.

I have been trying to make very tiny superficial cuts with an exact-o knife. As hard as it was i abandoned the rotary cutter. After I feel that I have sufficiently calmed myself I clean and dress the wounds. I find the act of caring for my wounds to be therapeutic. I become vulnerable, and the ritual of taking care of my wounds puts me back into control.

But, I would always advise that no cutting is the safest cutting. Only you can decide if you want to quit and find a healthier outlet. I wish I could stop, and I will be good for several weeks, but even now, right this minute, I desperately want to cut so I can feel the release.

It’s probably never worth it, but it’s scary how something like cutting can feel so absolutely necessary for survival. I hope you quit and stay quit. I’m working on that myself. I hope happiness find you in the near future.