I feel so disturbed, like I’m  going to puke from how upset I am.
I just felt so distant from people today; I knew the people I saw weren’t malicious, but I couldn’t help but feel so far away nevertheless. It made me real lonely.
Then I was pretty much ignored by someone who was supposed to be a friend, and I snapped. My eyes got sore with held back tears and I drifted even further from people,where I was only feeling a constant pain. The worst thing about it all was that inside I felt terrible, but in the crowd I was in at the time nobody would have given a shit. They were all nice people, just…if I told them they wouldn’t care, or they’d just drift even further away. I tried to make small talk with them but my words were different, I couldn’t hold a conversation without it being awkward. So I just left. I would have given anything to hang out with some of the people in that room, but I knew that something like that wasn’t going to happen tonight.
Anyways thanks for reading this, just typing this out makes me feel better. Minutes ago I was balling my eyes out, but now maybe I can do something tonight without constantly crying. I still probably won’t get over the fact that I’ll have no one to hang out with this weekend though. Damn.
4 comments
It is good that you were able to type out your feelings onto this website. I wish that I could take away some of your lonliness, but I am just as lonley as you. As for the social anxiety, have you had anxiety issues in the past? I used to be afraid to talk to people, but my counselor helped me overcome my fear of conversing in public.
Sort of. Its gotten better over the years but the anxiety get worse from time to time.
Yah I should go see my councilor again. Its been a while.
And thanks.
Anytime. Email me if you want to at Lullabyraven@gmail.com
Good luck
I feel ya. I’ve sat by myself and indulged myself in movie marathons every weekend since I can remember. But you know, I’ve accepted this and I gotta say, I kinda enjoy this isolated life style.