dear R (#2)

dear R,

so, i know I’m about to make things even worse between us and i’m sorry that i’m being blunt but its the only way ik how to be. and i need to say this because its been bothering me and i feel like if i say this then i’ll be able to get over u. because i’m not good at this, i’ve never had the chance to be good at this. but we could have made it work. we could have gotten over the awkwardness. if we had hung out one on one then we could have gotten to know each other and been more comfortable with each other. but we didn’t and ik its also my fault  because i’m awkward and insecure and didn’t ever really believe that u liked me. because y would u? i didn’t know if it was a dare or something but u made me like u. u made me fall without any intention of catching me.

and i just wanted to let u know that what u did was really an asshole move. u made me think u liked me. and i really liked u. u were the first person who liked me and i liked them back. and u told my friend about how u would b a really good boyfriend and that made me like u more. and i thought we could be boyfriend and girlfriend and hang out and play stupid question games and watch scary movies together and i could wear your jacket and teach u to play softball and u could teach me how to play the drums. and we would be happy . i would be happy. but then u started avoiding me and when i ate lunch with u and ur friends u totally ignored me. and i know I’m awkward because I’m really insecure and shy and i thought you would know what to do because you’ve had dates before.

and i thought u liked me because u got me fucking flowers. but then u never talked to me and i was so exited to go with u but u didn’t seem like u were. so i asked u if u still wanted to go and u should have just been honest. but u ignored me at homecoming. i was so completely hurt and embarrassed and upset. and then i thought ur text was supposed to be sweet and i got hopeful which really sucks because hope sucks. and then u proceeded to completely ignore me after that, not even respond to my texts. and i ignored u because i was hurt but i really wanted u to make an effort, which u didn’t. and u were a total jerk and i just want to know what happened because I’m still confused and i also want to know why u did it.

i mean, what about me made me so unappealing after just three weeks? i mean, i don’t think it was my personality because u didn’t even try and get to know that and i don’t think it was my looks either because u got over them enough to like me at first. and it sucks because i’m still really hurt but i don’t have anyone to talk to about it and ur friends with my friends so its awkward and i’m trying to hate u but i can’t. i just want to know what i did wrong. and i’m sorry if i keep bothering u but i think u at least owe me answers.

sincerely,

a