Failure at the game of life

That’s how I feel.  At age 43 I don’t see my life as one worth continuing.  I’m stuck in a dead end job in a legal career I never wanted.  I’ve been looking to find a new job just to get out of this office I’m stuck in but I either don’t get a response to my resumes or I can’t find anything I’m qualified to apply for.

My career is a total failure.  I don’t make enough money to live on my own in one of the most expensive cities in the world, so I’m stuck living with my aging parents.

I’m completely isolated.  I have no prospects for any significant person in my life.  At age 43 I’ve never had a serious girlfriend.  I don’t date now and it’s become painfully obvious to me that no one is interested.  The looks I get from women are ones of complete disgust.  I’m short, bald, fat, hairy in places I’d rather not have hair, a failure in my career still living in my parents’ basement.  Why should I even expect that anyone would be interested in me.

The only thing keeping me from the final act is how it would devastate my parents.  They’re getting older too.  What happens when they are gone?  Will that mean there would be nothing holding me back?

Medication doesn’t help.  My doctor has me on effexor but it does nothing but give me side effects.  He upped the dosage but I feel worse now than before.

At my age it’s too clear to me that I will never accomplish being an adult.  I will never have love, I will never get married, I will never have children, I will never have a home of my own.  If I’ve failed at these tasks, why should i ever bother anymore?