My story

I’m struggling with my own life and most of the time i think that everyones life will be a whole much better if i’m not around, so most of the time i feel like self harming or just ‘falling’ of a building because yes they will be sad but after a few days they wont even remember my name, for most of my life i have been bullied for being different and i never feel like i fit in any where even when at home, when i was young my parents kept agueing and then they split up and seeing my mum go pretty much suicidal broke me and i have made the same mistake she has but giving someone your hear and hopeing they wont hurt you  and the one thing in this world that keeps me here also makes me feel like shit at the same time this would be a girl i met when we are together we are so happy but then while online people tell her things and she doesn’t let go of the past and yes i have fucked up many times to make her not trust me and i reget them things but everything i do is for her and she just throws it back in my face and treats me like a peace of shit but i can’t leave her i just can’t if i do then i will end up killing myself even tho she makes me more than sad theres a reason i met her and she’s keeping me on this planet but things in my life and between us are getting so complicated that sometimes i just want to die and it’s Christmas in 2 hours and i feel like this i got a feeling it’s gonna be a really bad day and that next year will be the end of me