I have been hanging onto life by a thread, knowing the whole time that I would one day take my own life. Everything was already terrible in my life for years now, I won’t bore you with the details, but life circumstances and mental illness has made my life unbearable.
This week, someone robbed me of every penny that I had. Pretty pathetic because it was only a few thousand dollars, but now I’m broke and owe money too. This was just the final straw. I can’t take another week of this life. I can’t start over as I am unemployed and have a partial disability. What on earth can I do? I am not strong enough to deal with this. We will need food and other necessities very soon. I can’t stop crying and I just know that every moment of my existence on this planet is wrong and that’s why every wrong thing keeps happening to me. Why don’t I just take the hint already and just take my life once and for all? That is definitely going to happen in the near future. I just can’t stop crying, so thank you for whoever read this and let me share. God, I really hate myself. Please have mercy on me and take me home.
:'( :'( :'(
10 comments
This is a sad story my friend, what horrible people there are out there to have worsened your already weak state 🙁 are there any organisations in your area that will help you? I know that its nearly Christmas and I’m sure there are volunteers out there to try to help people with horrible situations and circumstances just like yours. Please, hang on for a little while longer, don’t give up just yet, because someone can help. x
This pains me, as the sentiment hits too close to home. I appreciate your candor and willingness to share your experience. I know how hard even that can be.
I can’t understand why this happens to some of us….what’d we do to deserve such hell on earth? Prisoners to our own existence. I wish I had uplifting words to share, but the truth is, I’m right there with you. Just know that even though you feel desperately alone (as I do too), we are together in this hole. I hope we can find a way out.
happened to me last year… they stole my bag, keys to my flat, my wallet with my ID and alltogether close to a thousand dollars… i was crying on the street hysterically and after that sunk into a low depression that i am still in, planning my suicide every day… not because of what happened but it was the last straw. i know exactly how you feel
@ kittycant Thank you for your suggestions. I can’t just ask people for money or help. There isn’t much that they can do for me. I was robbed every penny. I haven’t even had that much money in ages. It took forever to save that. It was $2284. I don’t have the resources to start over. I want to leave this world before Christmas. I just can’t face it or all the other bills/debts.
@ aweepingfire I feel just as you wrote. A prisoner to my own existence. Why are some people just destined to suffer? I hate this life so much. Thank you for sharing your feelings, shows me that I’m not alone, even tho it pains me so much to know that so many others are suffering as I am. I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. And you’re right, I had to tell someone, but I can’t tell anyone in my real life. I feel like too much of a loser, even tho this last situation wasn’t my fault, but I should have had more of a back up to begin with and that is my fault. I’ve been planning my suicide and trying to survive as long as possible even tho I’m miserable, just to try to spare my daughter and family pain, but I just can’t go on anymore.
@ deathdreamer I’m SO sorry that happened to you. I know just what you feel like. This has brought my situation to an even deeper all time low. It’s the final straw and those people just destroyed me. They destroyed any chance of me hanging on to life. I wonder if they’re happy and enjoying that money? They broke me for it, in many more ways than financially. They brought me a huge step closer to ending it all. I don’t think I’ll even be around for more than a couple of weeks now.
Thank you everyone for letting me share. I feel like way too big of a loser to tell anyone else how pathetic and broken I am. Not just because of what they did to me, but I have been broken for so long now and this just took away any hope that I had to not be happy or enjoy life, but to survive for a little longer.
I’m considering detergent suicide, but I’m so scared. :'(
If you’re scared, you don’t want to actually die
i have to ask,,,,,,, are you a man or woman? I had someone tell me some conflicting things, just want to know (so do the rest of us).
Life is worth a lot more than having money. In fact, money often destroys life (the love of it). It has ruined part of my family, the love of money is the root of all evil.
Your life still has a lot of value, more than you realize.
Yes its horrible to lose it like that, but it shouldnt be a “make or break” you either.
Have some hope. You have my email already, and I am your friend (if you want that).
Thank you wifeisgone. I appreciate your kind comment. I am not a materialistic person at all, but it was a hard blow to take when I was already down. The money gave me a sense of security that I would at least be able to buy food, pay electric bill, my daughter’s school fees, her and my nieces Christmas gifts, etc. It’s just hard to take a hit like that when you’re already feeling so down and hopeless which I have been feeling for quite some time now.
I will try to get past this, but the issues that were already there will probably always be there. It turns out that I do not have kidney disease as my doctor had thought. The test results show that I’m okay, so I’ll be here for a while and I have to try to survive and support my child. Life is really rough for all of us and that breaks my heart to know that so many are suffering as I am. Such a difficult, or even nearly impossible existence on this earth.
Oh and I’m female by the way. 🙂
@ IdekMeow Being scared to die doesn’t mean that we don’t want to die. We all have an instinct to survive and anyways, who wouldn’t be scared to die? Many people are. Most of us don’t really want to die, we’d rather live, but we just don’t want to live the lives that we are living. I personally wish that I could go on living, but not like this. I hate myself more than anything else in the world. I feel like the worlds biggest loser. I have physical and mental issues that make my life intolerable, as I’m sure most others here have as well. Fear has nothing to do with if we truly want to stop existing this way or not. Also, I am a Christian and part of my fear of dying is my fear of going to hell. I also fear the suffering that I would be putting my family through. And yes, I’m scared of how painful it would be to go through with it. For now, I’m trying my best to endure and survive, for my daughter and family if for no other reason.