As a person who has struggled with suicidal thoughts and feelings since my early childhood, I strive to understand such impulses and to make sense of why it is that the idea of leaving this world and no longer participating in this “game”…this “experience”… appeals to me so deeply and for so long now. By chance I happened upon this article:
DIVINE SUICIDE: Depressive Breakdown as a Call to Awakening – by Jeff Foster
It profoundly touched my heart and in the most genuine way has expanded my mind on the deeper meaning behind the thoughts I have struggled with for so long and the desire I have held to no longer be in this body and in this realm. I wanted to share it here because everyone who posts here is just so brave to do so and we are all searching for the same thing and I believe in its essence our pain is all the same at its core. I hope you all will take the time to read the article in its entirety despite its length.
Subsequently I found this thread and it has further illuminated the nature of my problem.
http://fruitofthecontemplativelife.org/forum/index.php?topic=340.0
We will all find our way in time and we will all emerge from the suffering of longing for more than the emptiness that overtakes us at times as stronger and more compassionate people. I am sending out my love to each of you.