fastasd i shall be watching you.

Do you guys really think that some rogue female-favoring post is going to somehow “take advantage” of someone who isn’t already looking to connect with someone?

Just what exactly do you feel you’re being “protected” from?

Why do you think it’s “sooo creepy” for a guy to have a preference for females, and “hot” ones, at that? It doesn’t make sense to act like that’s somehow “strange.”

Courtship? lol…

This is the internet. Courtship happens in person, in real life… anything internet-based is a precursor to anything that can potentially become disturbing. The dude is probably tired of being rejected, and is skipping the like-a-sir part. It’s not like he’s going to be successful… so why perceive any threat? Do any of you think any girl would “fall for that?” I honestly don’t. I don’t see any reason to be outraged, offended, or worried. And if someone actually is looking for such a person, using such an approach… well, then there’s nothing wrong with finding that.

omfg i said “here” instead of “hear.”

It’s entirely possible that non-damaged women would never give him a second look. In which case, instead of aiming for what you’ll never reach, you lower your sights until you see something, or in this case, someone, who is not “too good for you.”

It’s also possible that i’m wrong and the dude was just a straight up creep… but i didn’t personally see him say much of anything, and i didn’t particularly think that his preference for attractive females was at all disturbing; i happen to share that preference. I think it’s very normal. To announce is like that, with so little else, is rather tactless… but tactless isn’t exactly offensive to me.

Maybe it’s not what you say, but how you say it.

Maybe it’s not what you know, but who you know.

Maybe honesty and purity of intent, is irrelevant, and easily trumped by the ability to assuage and appease and manipulate people, by saying things the way they want/expect you to say them.

I think lots of girls tend to fall for the real creeps, for exactly those reasons, where they’ll ignore a guy who really isn’t a “creep,” but simply lacks the ability to manipulate her by saying things the ways she would like to be spoken to.

The vulnerable ones are at risk of exploitation by suave manipulators… not tactless and blatantly direct guys.

Or maybe i’m wrong, and being direct and tactless is the new “suave.”

My issue was with the assumption of predation.

We shouldn’t go around assuming every guy who wants to find a maybe-hot girl is a predator.

Plus, i’m going to take issue with the idea that romantic relations should be forbidden for the depressed. In MANY cases, absence of those very relations is one of the primary factors that causes depression. To forbid those absent relations, could be tantamount to precluding the natural and effective solution.

I bet if you google “incel suicides” or “virgin suicides,” you’ll find some interesting links between involuntary celibacy and depression. All those people needed was love; quite literally… and no one would give it, so they checked out; some of them with significant collateral damage.

However, i will agree, sort of, with the notion that women who have experienced such mistreatment, are far more likely to be wary of it, and to react strongly anytime they sense it could be a possibility. So that’s probably why people here are so upset about this particular incident.

I have to admit, i’m just as watchful and opposed to the same types of mistreatment i’ve experienced. And when i speak up about it upon seeing indicators of it in others, it tends to get people riled up pretty quickly. They all seem so sure i’m wrong… so ready to throw around words like “misogynist…” but it happens.

I don’t hate women at all. I hate shitty people, not all of whom are female. If i had to guess, i’d reckon it’s roughly evenly distributed.

@monkey:

I didn’t say that happened “here” (in this thread), but it has happened a few times before.

Like i said before: once you’ve been wronged, you tend to look more closely for signs of it happening in the future, so you can see it as early as possible, to have the best chance to avoid it. Sometimes you see signs you think are indicators, “false positives” (or perhaps more appropriately: false negatives) which don’t actually mean the conclusion you’re inclined to leap toward.

I didn’t see anything that caused me to assume “pump and dump” intent. You could be right… or that could be presumptuous.

I’m not “clueless” at all. I’ve seen lots of women overreact about lots of things, especially their presumed intentions of men; especially those women who have developed a negative opinion of sex, or of men’s desire for it.

I can accept that some people become inclined to perceive a threat, with certain signals, and are eager to defend against it… even in the case of a false positive. “Better safe than sorry” is an acceptable stance. I often use it myself. I’ve even argued for preferring the assumption of malice over incompetence, as a general rule, since i prefer to not underestimate people.

See… you’re still acting like everyone should think it’s offensive that a guy wants to find an attractive female, albeit in a place that isn’t exactly designed for it.

But all you have to do is say no, or say nothing. And you can’t speak for every female; some of them may actually want to be “hit on.”

You can’t just go around acting like it’s offensive for a guy to try to connect with a girl, if it doesn’t perfectly suit all your preconceived definitions of “the right time and place.” Some people can’t access those conditions; should they be eternally deprived? Just because YOU think the timing or placement is not appropriate?

And on that note: how do you feel about people hooking up at bars, while drunk? Isn’t that quite a bit questionable, since a drunk person has impaired judgment and chemically reduced inhibitions? And, don’t people go to bars and drink, specifically with the intention of meeting people while intoxicated, because it makes it easier?

Just because one person has a preference, that doesn’t mean anyone is “not hot enough to be supported by another human being.” That escalated too quickly, for you. It’s one guy, probably a guy you wouldn’t even like… why should you care what he prefers? Are you upset because you think “hot female” doesn’t describe You? Do you feel left out? Do you feel like maybe every guy should want you, and give you all their attention, in all the perfect ways you dictate? Or is it only the “hot guys” you want that from? How would you feel if a less attractive guy was upset because you thought he wasn’t “hot enough?” Have you ever considered that? And what if, in your moment of casting aside the artificial barriers between what you want, and what you can reach… you posted something, looking for someone, in a place where you think you’re likely to find someone who understands depression (because we all know how difficult it can be, to get along with people who don’t understand depression, right?)… and instead of finding anyone, you find a witch hunt, and everyone is OUTRAGED, just because you DARED to reach out for what you wanted, and dared to disclose a preference that doesn’t describe “most people.”

I can tell you right now: most women have preferences about men, which do not describe “most men.” So if you’re going to act appalled that any guy has a preference, maybe that means you should drop your own preferences, and stop being so “picky,” or viewing us as merely objects awaiting the opportunity to be granted the privilege of supporting you.

You all think you get to define what is or isn’t “okay.”

Because you do get to define that, because you have the privilege of holding all the cards. So next time a guy holds all the cards and decides to do something his own way, and it isn’t what you think it should be… try not to be upset about it. That’s the same thing you expect of us: put up with it and don’t complain, ever.

Maybe you gals haven’t had the profound displeasure of actually using “dating sites.” Most people on “dating sites,” do not seem to have much connection to reality, and have artificially elevated expectations. Lots of them are straight up bitches and assholes, and have no semblance of understanding or appreciating the value of any imperfect human being. If you’re not a 9 or 10, you might as well not even bother signing up. Unless, of course, you have enough money to convince people to like you.

“Well, I am not certain why you are so up in arms, clevername…”

Well let me attempt to clarify:

“…but I will say that we are all different. We all have different opinions…”

Of course we are.

“…and your incessant arguing is not changing opinions.”

Ooh, “incessant?” I’ve ceased arguing many times. Are you sure my arguments aren’t changing anyone’s opinion? I think the only time people’s errant opinions don’t change, is when they refuse to listen; which is unfortunately frequent.

“I came simply to put my opinion in, not speaking for all females, something I never claimed to be doing.”

Oh? While everyone is indeed entitled to their opinion, some people’s opinions are wrong. I believe you did say “as a woman…” which does, in fact, IMPLY, that you believe that your opinion is representative of other women. “All” women, may be a bit of a stretch, and i think we can all accept that no single person speaks for absolutely everyone, in any case. Yet, the insinuation remains; you used “as a woman,” to generally validate the very things i was saying, without realizing what i was getting at. “Most women” seem to judge too quickly and harshly, for strange reasons, based on irrational or offensive criteria.

“I did not post nor have I ever posted in anticipation of being personally judged.”

Well that’s a mistake. Everyone who ever says anything to anyone, should EXPECT their audience to form opinions, ie “judge” what they express, and how they express it. This is an indisputable fact of life.

“You know nothing about me.”

I don’t believe that extensive knowledge of your personal character is either required or relevant, in this case. I’m merely responding to the words “you” shared.

“I refuse to cast my assumptions on you or to berate you…”

But that’s exactly what you did, by coming here to state your opinion that your assumptions about the previous poster in question, were something that “as a woman,” (and implied that this represents other women), you feel should not occur, or perhaps even be allowed. You (and others) cast your assumptions upon a guy, simply for seeking out an attractive female, acted appalled by this, and essentially endorsed the mob-mentality witch-hunt that resulted. Everyone in this thread berated that guy. Why? Well, because several people assumed he was a threat, and cast their assumptions upon him, and then rallied against the “threat” they perceived. But was that “threat” even legitimate? Does anyone here even know whether there was any real threat? Does anyone have to perceive a male seeking the attention of an “attractive” female, as a threat? No. But they choose to see it as threatening and offensive, and then act upon their own contrived assumptions, and then pat each other on the back, attempting to self-justify… even sharing all sorts of anecdotes and hypotheticals, to attempt to make it seem like this guy was some kind of predator, when in fact, he didn’t “do” anything damaging, and may or may not have had any intentions beyond being selective in his seeking of human contact… which is something that “as a man,” i have indeed seen every woman i’ve ever observed, do. We are all allowed to be selective. And if you want to say that everyone’s opinion is justified, just by its existence, then you have to accept that it’s okay for a guy to have the opinion that he would like to connect with an attractive female, regardless of the conditions of the pool from which she may be selected.

“…but I will thank you for your input.”

Hmm. Well, you’re welcome.

“Not to rock any boats, but as a woman on this site, I agree with the poster. I come here for support, not to get hit on. It is supposed to be a safe place. Not to mention that this isn’t the place to pick up women. If I wanted to pick up men, I would go to an online dating site not a suicide forum. Also, help should be offered to each other without discrimination. Maybe I’m not hot enough to be supported by another human being? I happen to find that offensive. He can prefer hot women, but what does that have to do with suicide or this site? If it had been a race or ethnicity issue, no one would oppose flagging the post, as it should be. And sex or gender is no different. Maybe he meant no harm. That is fair, but it doesn’t negate that harm may well have been done. Thanks for looking out for us SPers.”

“As a woman”
“not to get hit on… supposed to be a safe place…”
Nothing is unsafe about being “hit on.”

Race and ethnicity is not “no different” than sex and/or gender. It is indeed quite different. I have no objection to being with a woman of any race or ethnicity, but i have zero desire to be with any man. Big difference there.

Really, this all comes down to women (and a few men) ganging up on a guy, out of a warped sense of believing that his intention was somehow abusive or malicious. Women are notorious for seeing malice where there is none, and making things out to be negative, particularly when it comes to men’s desires and needs for affection.

I don’t like this, and i dislike even more that it is half of a double-standard, in that it is encouraged and endorsed, with a sort of pack-mentality, which results in the generalized demonizing of all men’s desire for heterosexual experiences.

I can’t quite articulate exactly why this incident bothers me so much. I don’t even really WANT to defend the guy’s actions, because i don’t think he was necessarily doing the right thing either. But come on; do we really need the torches and pitchforks, just because some guy wanted to find a “hot girl” to talk to? And so what if he DOES want sex? That’s not wrong! He’s obviously not looking for someone who DOESN’T want to connect with him. That’s the whole point of asking: to put yourself out there, and make a chance for someone to respond. All this lynching of any guy who seems to want sexual experiences with women, makes lots of guys give up entirely, and not even bother reaching out, and instead, suffering in silent solitude, filled with the debilitating impacts of rejection. This is the root cause of men’s bitterness, and can even lead to rape. Women treat guys like shit, and then act surprised when they return the favor. Guys try to treat women well, but they are disregarded for being inferior or inadequate, or just simply not knowing the right people, or saying the right thing, the right way, at the right time.

I didn’t see anything necessitating any lynchings or witch hunts. I saw a guy ask to talk to a hot girl (and he didn’t even limit it to only hot girls, he said “i wouldn’t mind if she’s hot”), and was immediately met with a cascade of negativity.

So, if every time you try to find a girl, mean girls come out of nowhere and flip the fuck out all over you, backed by all the wannabe-heroic male gatekeepers… what do you think the long term result of that will be?

I think that maybe more of you people need to think carefully about the extent and severity of the potential for your actions to cause lasting detriment to people; the very same thing you all used as justification for your attempted lynching of this person, upon whom you all flung your own highly biased and unnecessary assumptions.

Anyway… i’m done with this.

Feel free to think and do whatever you want… but realize that what you do, affects the world, as well as the other people who share it.