My boyfriend broke up with me, he was cheating on me but maybe if I was a better girlfreind he wouldn’t have had too. I love him and I know it’s my fault. I’m one of those people who have to try harder then everyone else. When I study for school it takes me 8 hours to remember something that other people remember in only 2 hours. I always ruin everything I try to do including my relationships. I’m surrounded by people who have done amazing things already or have skills. I am 20 years old, havn’t joined any sports, I have no skills, I’m literally nothing. Nothing to be proud of at all. I’m in college right now and my friends are so smart but because I’m so dumb I can’t understand there debates out opinions on school things or more educated conversations. Before I probally was the one with the most hope for the future. But you can only get knocked down so many times before you can’t find the strength to get up again. My sister has the perfect life. She’s getting married and is getting her PhD, she’s already has a glowing job lined up too. She’s the golden child all my family wants to talk about is her, not the dumb me the dumb ass daughter. My parents keep asking why i don’t have a boyfriend yet. But I can’t tell then it’s because I’m a worthless screw up. I see no hope in my future, I don’t even know why I’m in college. I hate it all, I have no passion or any idea about what I want to do. The future is nothing, my past is nothing, I’m nothing. I’m not contributing to society it’s not as if anybody will care if I’m gone. My parents have my sister after all. I just don’t understand! I love all people and have high standard of morality to others. I care about everyone, I grew up wanting to make good changes to help people. I’m never mean to anyone never hurt anyone. Why do people hurt me? All people do is take advantage of my kindness to hurt me. My ex started telling lies about me to everyone and now no one will talk to me. But it’s my fault for being such a lousy friend and girlfreind. It’s all my fault. If I was a better person or smart I wouldn’t be like this. I just want an end now. Every morning when I wake up I cry because my nightmares are better then this hell and I cry because I didn’t just simply die in my sleep…
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If your boyfriend cheats and then has audacity to spread rumors about you, doesn’t that say a lot of who he really is? How are you the lousy girlfriend? Did you cheat? Are you spreading rumors and lies like a immature child does? If your friends are willing to not talk to you over some guy telling lies than were they really friends to begin with?
You even said, “I love all people and have high standard of morality to others. I care about everyone, I grew up wanting to make good changes to help people. I’m never mean to anyone never hurt anyone.”
You know what that says about you? That portrays you as someone who actually cares in this world, and is someone of great value. I hold a lot of respect for people like you. Honestly its people who have the courage to say things that give me faith in humanity.
Understand that you may think your not smart and even though it takes you longer to learn things it doesn’t make you anyless than smart. It just means your a person who works hard. You will put in 8 hours to learn something because your still a very dedicated person with an impressive work ethic. Just because you may not learn things in the same time span as others doesn’t make you any different or less smarter than anyone else. Cmon your in college! Your already a cut from the rest!! That is something you should be proud of.
I know how it feels live in the shadow of a sibling. It seems impossible to overcome that self loathing that comes along with it, but I came to the realization that I do things for me. I will not live my life trying to please or making anyone else happy except myself. If anything be better than her. She set a high bar to accomplish and take that offer, prove to them that you are of worth.
Maybe you just need to find something that is off interest. Everyone has that artist or skill in them. You just have to find it. Don’t fele discouraged if it doesn’t come right away. Try a sport out, try some music or art classes, take classes like ethics, sociology or philosophy and get out there. Give yourself some time to experience the world and find what you want to do in life.
I hope I helped you feel better. Even though its not much, I hoped it helped.
Oh yeah sorry for the spelling mistakes I have a tendency to see words backwards and out of place. So sometimes when a word is spelt wrong it looks more correct than if it were correct. Dyslexia.
Both my brothers are successful and happy. I know how that feels to feel like the fuck up. They are both going places and I’m stuck in this hell to rot. Its a tough place to be comparing ourselves with other people because it just reinforces our shitty feelings about ourselves. You need to stop comparing yourself to her and focus on yourself and your personal achievements. Only then will you develop a healthy sense of pride in yourself and see yourself in a more positive light.
You don’t have to blame yourself for him cheating on you… he knows who you are, he either loves you for what you are or not… i mean, if you were treating him bad or cheated on him or spreading rumors about him then you are a bad girlfriend, but even if you do all that, cheating is not the answer. He is the one acting badly there, not you. Seems to me you are just being to hard on yourself and blaming everything on you just because you love him.
And you can still have a good life for yourself regardless of the life your sister has… i’m sure your parents love you, but in the end you need to live your life, not the life they want you to live. It is about what makes you happy, in the end that’s what matters.
DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. you are in a bad state of mind right now and all you can think is negative thoughts. it’s completely normal. and you are not stupid at all, you just haven’t found what you love doing yet 🙂 just because you’re 20 and haven’t got your whole future planned out yet doesn’t mean shit.
your boyfriend sounds like a complete asshole who doesn’t deserve you one bit either, no one deserves to be cheated on, how the heck can you blame yourself for that? i have been cheated on so so many time and it is the worst feeling in the world and i have blamed myself before but now that i look back on it i realize that none of it was my fault, and you’re the exact same.
Everyone is different aswell, people can’t expect you to be “perfect” like your sister. what even is “perfect”? just because in your parents eyes, the life your sister is living is perfect, it doesnt mean that would be a perfect lifestyle for you anyways. stop trying to live your life pleasing everyone else for a bit. think about yourself and do whatever makes you happy. you do sound like a very caring girl but you need to stop and care for yourself you need to find yourself before you make any rational decisions.
please dont do anything stupid and look after yourself, we are all here for you 🙂
Some people are here to be doctors and have their entire life mapped out from an early age and everything falls into place; some of us are not so lucky.
Some of us have talents and gifts that take years to uncover.
No one is worthless; everyone is here for a reason.
You are here for a reason.
If you don’t know why yet, it just means you have the strength to keep going until you do find it, whether you know it or not.
These people who have everything mapped out for them, can you imagine them having an easier time in your situation? I can tell you with certainty that they’d be facing the same issues you are now, and just like you can, they could come through.
The boy was the wrong boy for you, that’s difficult, it really is, but it’s a stepping-stone. I, very painfully, have been through several wrong girls, even one that I thought was the right one, but in the end they’re all people who shape me into who I need to be when I meet the right person.
Everything you live through will make you stronger.
Don’t let anything beat you into the ground.
You can fight back.
You can show them all.
All you need to do is keep your head above water and then keep chipping away.
It won’t be easy, but it will be well worth it when you achieve what you want, knowing that YOU beat life on the HARDEST setting.
As long as you exist you are something..