I have struggled with addiction,depression,low self esteem,family issues,loss,grief etc for the better part of my life.I have attempted to take my life a few times,most times not truly wanting to die,was more of a cry for help.A year or so ago my best friend commited suicide,it was a very hard thing to deal with,it hurt very much.I always think of the way that he did it,i think that is how i want to go as well.Last year on x mas eve,i received some news that was rather bothersome to me,it hurt me deeply.I turned to alcohol,for the most part ive been clean for 10 years,the last few have been a struggle.That lonely x mas eve i went out to my old garage where i store my 66 t bird.Being an old car it produces high amounts of c o2,i started it up,let it run,i stood there,drank my beer,i knew that night that i wanted it to overcome me,to hopefully kill me.I left the garage awhile later,knowing that i was very close to unconciousness.Today i sit here and want to do it,i struggle with life,it seems as though it is a never ending fight.It seems like i have so many issues theres no point,I have reached out today,hence why im still here.I hope somehow ,some way this may help someone.If it helps one person then maybe i just found a reason to live.Its a scary world when one suffers with this,the constant dreams and thoughts are a living nightmare.Thanks for allowing me to share
2 comments
Glad it never happened, and hope it doesnt again.
We are your friends here,
Come talk when you feel like it.
Thankyou,sometimes the pain of living is worse than the thought of not being alive anymore,im sure im in the right place in terms of understanding