I dont even know where to start. Actually, i do want to start by saying this site and all who do respond and comment have given me strength to try and better myself. Thank you all. But life doesnt like when i start to fix myself, unfortunately.
Today was just so overwhelming. I stopped getting on here for about a wk just to focus completely on me and i thought i was getting better. My husband/fiance whatever told me we had an appt with our counselor and i HAD to go. I didnt want to but i he kept insisting that nothing bad was going to happen and that the counselor just wanted to have a together session. Well we get there and first thing i find out is the counselor wasnt expecting me and that i didnt have to go. Next she says since im there to tell her my side of the story about what happened 2 wks ago with the gun. Turns out he told her that we were drunk and i threatened to kill him and our daughters. So im there trying to get everyone to just for once listen to me. I did NOT threaten him and especially not my girls. I DID say that i was going to make sure beforei died that the girl he cheated with was dead. I DID say to hurt him that i should hirt him and the girls BUT that i could never bring myself to do that. So why did i have the gun? It was for me but he took it away. So there i was all panicky because i was caught off guard and i hate when i get lied to and shit gets dropped on me. Next thing i know the counselor tells him either you take her in or i will get someone to take her. She turns and calls up the mental hospital we have in town and tells them to be expexting me. I was trying to get myself better on my own and i was feeling better than i had in a long time and then she takea my control away. She says shes in charge and i have no choice. Fuck me. So i tell my fiance why just why did you seriously take my threats about me and turn it to be about you? He insists he heard right. So im there trying to convince the counselor that i dont need to be commited and that i was getting myself under control and im mad at my fiance for springing this on me and i ask him why would he be ok with me being commited if he doesnt care what i do or care about me? He turns around and asks me if he was suicidal would i get him help even if it meant committing him? Uh duh i tell him. I love you and care about you and would be by your side thru it all, i tell him. And his response is see thats why im trying to help you. Wtf? I thought he didnt love me anymore?? So now im very confused and screwed up and i call him out on that and he says he does love me hes just not IN love with me….what does that even mean?? Then he starts crying and says he doesnt want to go thru what he went thru when his brother died. So by now im just pissed and have no idea what to believe or who i can trust. And the counselor tells us we have to go because the hospital is waiting for me. On our way they call him and say i cant be commited til i get evaluated and labwork thru the er so we head there. As im talking to the therapists and drs there i find out all that was voluntary. Damn counselor lied about me not having a choice. So i panic again and freak out and im a wreck because now its in my medical history. Now what if he decides to take off with my kids?? All i can think is how i probably look like an unfit parent and he would get custody if he tried. I might not of wanted to have kids but i do love them. So i tell the drs everything. Abd they give me options. I can voluntarily commit myself for a few days and get meds and therapy started. I can do nothing and just go home. Or i can get therapy and go to my obgyn and get meds from her since im still postpartum and this could bye postpartum depression. I choose the latter. One of the therapists is so kind and gives me all kinds of info and tells me im liket her daughters age and that shes also going thru marital and postpartum problems but her guy isnt there like mine was so that told her he does care. So i get discharged and have to make appoinments all over the place to satisfy everyone and get help. I know i needed help i just hate how this all happened. I feel so embarrassed and like i cant control my own life. So here i am trying to wrap my head around everything. I talked to my husband once we got home. I told him if he does love me why cant he give me a chance. I know hes not “in love” with me but at least give me a chance to get better and at least help me go back to achool so i can get a degree and be able to support myself if he does decide to leave me. He said he would stick around and support me and see if he could make it work. He promised no more lies or hiding stuff from me, no more cheating and no more tricking me. I guess i have to take his word. Im afraid and paranoid but i guess i have to find a way to make this work for me. I just dont get why life has to work this way for me. One step forward two steps back. I just hope this works.
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Hi you, good to see you again 🙂
Okay, on to business.
So your estranged partner did a bait & switch on you? Very crafty, and by the look of things he did it to further his own personal gains. Quite a selfish act for someone in a commited relationship to undertake. The presence of a firearm (regardless of motive/intention) is never welcomed, I understand that it was for “you” but the context he placed it in was far removed from the truth and he obviously knew he could use that to his advantage. For the record, I inow you could never bring yourself to harm your girls, especially if our last conversation was anything to go by.
“Through sickness and in health…” I’m a lil’ skeptical about this, it would appear that he has concocted a clever way of winning over you emotionally to…hmm…I can’t quite figure out what he’s up to. But trust me, if he really wanted to help, he would’ve been up front from the start. This all sounds too sinister, for want of a better word. One does not simply love without being “in love”, especially where marriage is involved. People tend to throw that word around in desperation, it’s a blight on the English language.
It would appear you have taken the better option in terms of…erm…treatment should I say? I understand it is now on your medical file, but it could’ve been worse, and yet again it wasn’t even of your own accord. Seriously shaking my head here…
I am going to give your Fella the benefit of the doubt this one (1) time to better support you and look after you for the faithful wife and mother you are. Dare I say, if he f#cks up again, well, a discussion for another time. Please, do keep us updated with what’s happening with you. Taking steps in life is pretty easy, it’s falling over yourself that’ll get you in the end. None of this was your fault, you need to appreciate that, but move forward knowing that your words/actions can and will be used against you. Be very aware out there.
Hope this helps you. Good to hear from you again.
There I go using the p#rtner word again. Dammit. My comment just went into moderation for your post. Be advised: it’s a biggun’.
Thanks for your comment rogue. Yes all this is just… i cant even find a good word. Nobody really knows what love really means anymore do they? Honestly, tho i really think he misunderstood everything that took place since we were both fairly drunk. But you are right that he should have made an effort to help from the start. Especially since i had tried almost 2 months ago when he told me about the affair a week after i gave birth amd he had to pry the gun from my hands. He never removed the weapons until the counselor told him. I had been telling him and asking him to help me but i guess he never took me seriously until he misunderstood what was happening. But, i have to trust that he is going to keep his word and help. I have only him to rely on financially, so i kind of need him to follow thru if i want to keep up with the help (i have no insurance). I told his aunt what happened (she had to watch my girls as i was being evaluated) and she was livid with him. Shes glad im getting help but she was so pissed of how he handled things and told me that i need to make sure he gets help to because in HER opinion he has serious issues as well that started when his brother passed away. He never showed emotion over it and moved on fairly quickly and she thinks that he is depressed without being sad. That and she says he just sucks at handling situations and needs to man up amd stop running from problems he thinks he cant handle. So i guess he is the only one who doesnt see anything wrong with himself. And yes your words help more than you know. Its the conversations on here that actually made me change my mind after my “incident” and i was trying to get myself under control. I will keep posted what happens. I see my dr later today and the therapist from the ER is supposed to check on me today as well. I just hope i can get my life back in my hands without everyone trying to tell me what to do again.
It would appear that you have found a likely ally in his aunt? This is good, and she obviously knows there’s something up with him. I apologise I have to keep this short as I’ve just woken up, but do keep me informed with what happens when you see your doctor and such.