Throughout my life I’ve been a relatively happy and carefree guy and I am not depressed, I have realised I have to do this. I’ve come here for a bit of solace before I do what I need to do; my name is James Redding (or at least my pseudonym) and I am 22 years old. I am engaged to the girl I’ve loved since I was 17 and have almost completed my dream degree, a masters in. Chinese. I assume you’re curious as to why I’m even contemplating this then? I say ‘this’ because typing the word itself brings me to tears, im staring at my eventual impending doom.
i discovered I am HIV positive after a stupid fling I had as a teenager, a 17 year old fool. Now this condition, to some, is incredibly manageable, yet to me, it is essentially rendering my life’s history as irrelevant and ultimately leads to oblivion. In china, there work permits and living permits are so stringent that 90% of HIV positive migrants are denied. I cannot have the life I’ve wanted since I chose to study Chinese, my dream course, firstly at high school, and then at university. Now the last seven years of my life and £27000 of debt is irrelevant.
Part 2; I told my girlfriend I was clean of STDs when she became my girlfriend,and at that point it was true. I had a negative chlamydia/Syphillis test and proceeded to – for some stupid reason – not get a HIV test. I thought, we live in such a small town, even though I slept with one of the worst sluts here, Nobody must have HIV, right? Wrong, a decision that has come back to haunt me. I feel like dying just for inflicting this pain upon my innocent girlfriend, and I will do. I need help, support, not emotionally, but experiences, what is the easiest, least painful, quickest and most discrete way of doing this? I am doing it regardless, it’s just that my contingency plan is to jump from my university’s easily accessible rooftop, problems include it’s lack of discretion (a bit Gory, you know?) and the ever present that it may fail, it’s only 6 stories or 50 (ish) ft. Thank you.