My World

The worst battles we face are the ones hidden within us.  Merely living becomes one giant lie – one giant chore.  Going on in life and following Routine becomes the norm, but nobody sees the truth.  Nobody sees that you’re on the edge, you’re breaking down.

And when you do finally let it out, you break down to someone – They don’t care, they only use it against you.  People look down on you, they call you crazy – when all you need is somebody to tell you that they care.

My entire life has been one big mess. When I was a kid, I wanted to die very young.  But life goes on, the pain goes away.  Joys come and go, people change.  The ones you cared about the most turn out to be your greatest regrets.  When the pain goes away, that’s when it hurts the most.  Life becomes numb.  Feelings become useless.  The simple joys become meaningless.  Yet life goes on.

I’ve learned long ago that my sole purpose is to show kindness and help people when they need helped.  But people take advantage of me, they kick me when I’m down.  Showing kindness becomes my weakness – people take advantage of me and gang up on me when I’m already overwhelmed with my own misery.

When the joys of being in love fade, the magic is over.  When do I give up what I was wishing for?

I’m too tired to commit suicide.  I see no point in it, no purpose.  I see no purpose in anything.  What I would give – just to be able to fall asleep peacefully, and never wake up.  Just simply no longer exist.