I’d rather not get into the “drama” about why I was wanting to die but i will say what put it to a stop, at least for the time being. I didn’t want to end my life by my own hands, first of all. I just wanted death, not suicide, but death by any means I could think of. But the more and more I tried to think of ways i could die without it truly having it been seen as suicide, my mind just started wandering to other things. No super important “life changing discoveries”, no mind shattering “realizations”, none of those last minute thoughts about why it could possibly be a bad idea. I just got bored and started to do other things. I ended up recalling a flash game for some reason or another (that reason probably being ADHD most likely) that I had found on the internet that I wanted to play because i was feeling a bit bored. But while browsing the site i thought i saw it on, I found a different game that caught my interest. But rather than enjoying the game as it progressed, I came to like the music, but since it wasn’t listed in the credits, i looked up the lyrics and found that song, then another that i liked too. But then I felt hungry and got some food and sat back down at my computer, only to remember that i had been trying to think of ways to die. But, I had set the new songs on loop and I was too busy enjoying them to think about it anymore. I just couldn’t focus enough on the thoughts of death to figure out how i was going to end my life. Its not like it wont come back eventually, but itll probably just get pushed aside again because my ADHD will make me think of something else. No, im not joking at all. There really was nothing life changing about it or anyone else involved or anything super dramatic about it. I just got too bored to care about dying. Call me a liar. Call me an ass for posting something that isnt as serious as the next guys story. Say what you want, but that doesnt change the fact that its true. And thats pretty much how my ADHD stopped me from finding a way to kill myself. For now at least. I may get over it, i may not. ADHD is kinda funny like that.
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7 comments
ADHD can be a blessing and a curse. It can help distract which, as you noted, can help you out when you need a diversion. At the same time, the inability to concentrate for extended periods can be upsetting and greatly increase the stress-load. I’m glad that you derived some of its positive aspects.
Have you ever had that thing where you started writing something but then completely forgot what you were going to say because a cat jumped on your lap making you spill your drink all over your keyboard so you had to rush into the other room for some towels and then… wait, what was I saying? I need some coffee.
Kudos, lorax… Kudos.
I have the odd-ball ADHD (overfocused variety). It’s the polar opposite of normal ADHD – I can’t not hyperfocus on specific things unless I’m well medicated. It sucks immensely. It’d be cool if I were some tribal hunter stalking a water buffalo, but not so much in any other circumstance.
I have the garden variety… Things tend to distract me and caffeine/sugar enhances it. There are certain things that I can concentrate on quite well… and there seems to be a mood-related component to it as well.
I’ll alert the poor water buffalo to be on the lookout for you…
I’m ADD, and it helped me in the same way as you, except I was playing iOS 2 game on the first generation iPod touch that I found.
Wait, is everyone here attention deficit?
It wouldn’t be surprising, DAlex, if quite a few people here had Attention Deficit. I’ve read some pieces that suggest a link between Attention Deficit and Depression, Bipolar, etc.