Hi Guys,
It’s almost 10 here and I am exhausted… Needless to say I do enjoy writing, just not when I am extremely tired. So if this is short I do apologize for that.
Now how are you? (Don’t forget to comment! I do read them… Sometimes I forget to reply… Sorry, but I do read them!)
How am I? Physically: Sore, Tired, Exhausted Mentally: Broken
My physical state… Well I went skiing tonight (for ski club) fell down and my ski tip jabbed into my inner thigh soo that’s bruised. I had a few panic attacks and two breakdowns where I couldn’t take it and just cried… *sigh* I’m extremely sore right now my inner thigh hurts and I woke up today and I don’t know what was wrong but my shoulder was sore and stiff. I think I slept on it wrong or funny or weird whatever it is. So that hurts too…. My eyes are extremely dry and I don’t know why… Soo that’s that too… So yeah…
My mental state…. Well I could be bunches better with my mental state. I feel really suicidal and depressed and worthless and useless so yeah. I also had two mental breakdowns where I couldn’t take the stress and pressure and all of that so that happened…. So 5 breakdowns today… I still feel hated and I wonder if it’s too much to ask for to just be loved? I mean it’s like I give love, but I don’t receive a lot back… Like I feel like I take the pain away for others, but while doing so I just add on more pain to myself, but I can’t say no to someone in need of help or comforting…
So yeah… That’s how I am…
Here’s thy poem:
I was thinking today
Is it so hard for someone to love me?
Is it so hard for someone to truly care for me?
People have said that they would be there for me
But they have lives.
With me. If one of my friends needed help
I will drop everything to help them
I don’t care what I am doing or where I am
I will help them
But alas
There is no one in my life that will do that for me.
Weird thing how I comfort others
But not a lot of people comfort me
I will help someone in need no matter what
But no one really does that for me…
I take away the pain from you
But I gain it
Weird thing
How I will always give
But almost never receive…
Au Demain
9 comments
I feel the same as you mentally. Minus breakdowns. Had alot of bad thoughts today but….. ill be fine. Feels better just to say that.
How are you Letitgo?
Almost thought you werent gonna post.
Ps. When you give love and help people never expect anything back. Remember, helping people is a reward of its own and will help you grow and be a better person. Your time will come when you will receive your reward in life.
Sorry… I had skiing at it went late…. So I got home at like 9:10… How am I? Barely living. I know it’ll come but I’m afraid it’ll be too late…
Barely living?
What do you mean too late?
Barely living… Holding on and almost letting go… What if my reward comes too late? I don’t seek out the reward I need or want and so I die?
Nothing is for certain in life… it’s just a risk people take, maybe it pays off and maybe not… but i get what you say, i do believe it’s better to try until you can’t that giving up early tho.
LetItGo, you will get your reward of comfort from others, maybe, just maybe it is already in the making.. one question LetItGo, how many friends of yours know exactly how sad you are?
What is sad is that other people doesn’t show love in ways that we expect. They do love, and they love you. They just don’t always show it with affection. Believe me when I say this, if you were to take your own life, you would inflict the most horrible pain on the ones who love you. A pain so bad that there is no recovering from it! I know!!!
My brother killed himself. He left behind children, brothers, a sister, father, and friends. To see the hurt on his children’s faces was the most painful for me! I lost my brother, I will never ever get him back!!!! I feel like I failed him, my heart hurts so bad because of what happened! It is a pain that no one should have to go through. You see, he was in pain then, and none of us saw it. We never thought about asking the whys. Never felt comfortable talking about certain subjects. Why, I don’t know. Maybe because many of us are too damned judgmental. Maybe because we are all caught up with our own lives to notice one of our loved ones that needs a little help, a little support. Too often we assume everything will be okay, that they will get through their tough time. What ever the reasons may be, they still love you!!! Death is permanent! There is no turning back time. My brother killed himself in 1993, and the pain is still there, more than 20 years later! That kind of pain never goes away. Never!!!!
I know you are hurting and hurting bad. I feel for you. Please stay strong, stay strong for the people you love. Find a place in your heart to forgive, and to love anyway. And try to get help with dealing with the pain. No one should go through the pain you have, but certainly no one should go through the pain of losing you either.
3? Out of like 15? So not a lot…
LetItGo, have you told those 3, everything?