Well, turns out that I never got around to killing myself. There always seems to be something that stops me for a good day or two before the thoughts seem to flood back.
In the mean time, I feel like a horrible person because whenever I am honest to a mutual friend they turn their offense around on me and make me feel bad about myself. I know this isn’t fair, I know that I shouldn’t bother or care yet all I feel inside is that I am a bad person who makes other people angry, a problem – it’s one of my reasons to die.
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they are responsible for their emotions just as you are.
i relate to this so much. its also one of the reasons why im suicidal. whenever i tell my friends what is wrong with me or whenever im honest about how i am they will just make things worse by pointing out what they find annoying. sucks.
look, dear friend
Formula is simple. First you accept your weakness, fears etc. then you learn to love yourself. then you accept others and learn to love them
You haven’t gotten around to killing yourself for the same reason that most of us haven’t. We have a survival instinct to stop us from taking our lives. And also, I really believe that most of us would rather live than die, but we just don’t want to live the tortured existences that we are being forced to endure presently and we don’t see any way to change ourselves or our lives to be something that would be pleasant or even just a life that would be endurable. That’s how I feel anyways, and maybe you feel the same way too. My second reason, or maybe even my first reason is that my parents would literally die if I took my life, so as long as they’re here, I will have to endure this horrible, miserable existence, so as not to put them through torture that they don’t deserve.