I’ve been thinking for a good part of a long while. I don’t want to live anymore, I’ve made that choice. I’ve only ever felt like this once before, and I overdosed on over the counter pain killers. I woke up covered in my own vomit, and my family found me. I do not want a situation like that again. I want it to be quick, and I want it to be certain. I want to die in my bed. I don’t have many options, and I need to know what to do. Please. Help me.
16 comments
Hold still, this’ll be quick…
*unholsters. 44, cocks hammer*
Well hey, this is what you wanted, right?
*shoots devil sitting on Falon’s shoulder*
Glad that’s over… Right, on to business. I’d like a little more intel in regards to your situation if you’d be so kind as to provide it? In the meantime, I’ll add that yes, overdosing doesn’t work most of the time, and that unless you’re a Nun or an extremely spiritual individual, there’s no surefire way to die a peaceful death from the comfort of your bed.
Glad you’re still in the fight, now…it’s time to get outta bed!
*extends arm towards Falon*
Haha, even in a time like so that made me life. I’m aware it won’t be painless. I know it’ll hurt. I mean the peace that comes afterwards. I just want it to be quick. I don’t want my family to come in my room in the morning to find me having a seizure with blood pouring from my wrists. What would you like to know? There isn’t much intel to the situation. My name is Falon. I’m 16. I know I’m young, but it’s a bit more complicated then the average teenage emo kid wanting to commit suicide because they hate the their life. My mom and dad were both addicts, too. I was born with it in my veins. I became a crystal meth addict at 12. I was sent to rehab that same year. I ran away from there, because I wasn’t ready to quit. When I was caught, I was put in a psychiatric unit. This pattern went on for a few months. Eventually, they sent me to a “high lock-down” residential facility. Which because it was residential, it wasn’t all that high lock-down. This was in St.Louis, where I of course, left again. I was gone for 4 and a half months. I prostituted and did what I needed to to get my fix. In August of that same year, I was found naked in a gas station bathroom passed out from overdosing on bathsalts. I went through 11 months of rehab and came home July of last year. I haven’t touched a needle since then, but I’ll always be an addict. I feel the pain everyday when I wake up. I lay in bed all night without sleep as my veins throb. All I do is hurt people, even though I did what they asked of me; I got clean. I don’t know what they want, and they won’t tell me. I just don’t want to hurt them anymore, I don’t want to hurt anymore. I know it’s going to hurt them immensely, but not forever. If I live, I’m going to relapse very very soon and that’s going to hurt them so much more. Anything else you’d like to know?
You get to come back from all of this, from everything…y-you know that, right? Addiction was in my blood too, it got the better of one of my parents. But I made the conscientious decision to say NUH-UH, AW HELL NAH I AIN’T DOIN’ THAT SHIT! and you can too.
You need to have a little trust in yourself, you need to find the strength to at least attempt a life free of “ice” and those fricken bathsalts man…very bad juju. “I’ll always be an addict.” I’m really proud that you said that, for the pure fact that you can admit what you were, what you are, what you MAY always be. That doesn’t mean you can also be an awesome person through life in general. My aunt is a meth addict with kids, but she still does her best to raise them and I greatly respect her as she has been through a lot too. I implore you to find the strength within to stave off the craving, I’m here for you with my trusty sidearm in case another demon decides to try hitch a ride on your shoulder again.
If there is anything further you wish to share, please do.
I don’t mean to sound rude, but; I didn’t come for pep talks love. I can find those through a suicide hotline. I came to this site to figure out how to end this shit. What you’ve said means a lot, yes. But somehow, in my fucked up mind I can’t force it to mean enough. Thank you, for trying to support me. As I said though to begin with, I’ve made my decision and my mind won’t be changed. I would love help, but if not it’s going to happen anyway.
I was a soldier; helping is all I know. I’m not much older than you and to be frank I don’t give a shit what happened in the past, what matters is here in front of us. So I can’t change your mind? What makes you think that was my intention to begin with? I just wanted to state some advice which may or may not help you in the end. Pep talks ain’t exactly my specialty either, but so be it.
Thank you for the advice. It’s much appreciated love.
*tips fedora*
I wish you the best, I hope you keep in mind what I’ve said, and if you ever do change your mind or just need someone to listen to you, I’m here.
@falon
> I would love help
can you imagine what form that help might take ?
What form might it take?
What i meant to say is that you said ‘you would love some help’. Clearly on a chat board, the only literal help one can give you are words. But words can take many different forms, lead in many directions, and often can have real life consequences — ie advice as to pursue one path or another, undertake some action or another, or undertake some activity or another etc.
So my question was do you have any specific guidance/uncertainties/suggestions/ideas that you want advice on ?
The comments on your good lucks, while perhaps flattering, are as you are certainly aware, pretty irrelevant to the much more serious issues that you are going through.
lucks = looks
my bad
Thank you very much for further explaining that. The type of advice I’m looking for is stated in the original post. You’re more than welcome to help, love.
Unfortunately (for many), this site was not built with the intention of facilitating dissemination of instruction information, but was instead simply meant to allow people to share stories related to suicide, as a form of passive help, but also allows users to interact, in “good faith,” that it will somehow help people who either have survived their own attempts, or are stricken by the impacts of the loss of another.
As for your listed preferences… i agree; quick, certain, and in the comfort and privacy of my own warm, peaceful, familiar resting place. I tend to think that people who reach this similar sort of understanding of, and preference for, how they want their final moments to be, have indeed spent non-trivial time honestly considering the realities of the notion of suicide.
If you’re resourceful enough, there is method information out there to be found… and since i’m typically not so great at persuasion, i will simply suggest and hope that you will reconsider. I can’t say things will ever become great for you, but you’re still young enough that you “probably” have plenty of time to take action toward making things better, and closer to what and how you would prefer.
Your life is worth something. God did not make a mistake when HE created you!!! Through Jesus Christ, you can overcome these demons. The Bible tells us that we have an enemy and it is Satan, the devil. The Lord tells us in His Word that we when we resist the devil, he must flee. The way that the enemy works is in the mind. The Bible calls him the “Father of Lies”. He tells us wrong things–like we’re not worthy of anything or like things will never be better or like “kill yourself”. I’ve been there. I was an addict, but I am living proof that there is a way to overcome it and that way is thru JESUS CHRIST!!! It works!!! And not only for me, but for my husband as well, who was a drug dealer and an alcoholic and an addict. He gave his life to Jesus, while he was still on the drugs I might add, and he was set free–for 25 years now. Please know this–you are loved and you are worthy!!!
Fuck god, believe in yourself. Don’t you ever preach to me about god.
I try to have compassion for all creatures (except for sadistic psychopaths, which you’re not: proof, you have the ability for introspection, psychopaths do not). I wish that you don’t suffer at all, in any way: this is why I asked if there was any way that I could help.
Whatever happens, I don’t want you to suffer. IMHO, if that can be achieved while living, all the better, but there is never judgement involved.
The point is to minimize suffering. This is the human imperative.