My name is Justin Jay Smith. My date of birth is January 26, 1988. My SSN is ***-**-****(included in paper copy only that was left on site). I died from self-inflicted wounds the morning of February 26, 2014, at the address of 3099 Kirklevington Drive Apartment 152 in Lexington, KY 40517. This is my “suicide note” and “letter of intent” if you will.
I will start by saying I loved you Amanda. I truly am sorry for how things turned out. I did try. I messed something’s up, I know. We all make mistakes and mishandle things or ourselves from time to time. I know you will be ok and find what you have always been looking for. Just do me, yourself, and whoever you end up with a favor and do it for the right reasons. He is out there, you just have to be patient and find him or let him find you. The situation your delving into right now is not for you nor is it the answer. Yes you can find a sense of happiness but not true happiness there. Don’t repeat mistakes we have made. Learn from the ones I made and the ones you made. Keep things pure and right no matter what. Your a smart and an amazing person that just needs to blossom kiddo.
To my son….I don’t really know what to say. Whether or not he reads this later in his life, I leave for your decision Amanda. Tears come to my eyes thinking about you now, my lil man. You are everything to me Austin. Your in the forefront of my mind and thoughts everyday. I failed you miserably. You are surrounded by people that love you and are good for you. Listen to them. Mind your mother and be respectful to everyone around you at all times. There is a spark in your eye. I see it. I recognize it. And I am not just saying this because you are my son. I have seen it in some other children and few other people. You truly posses a threat of great potential. It is something that can be lost or given up without ever knowing it was there. Don’t lose it or give it up. I will not lie to you, this does not mean things, greatness, or success will come easily or even naturally to you. And life will surely have it’s bumps for you as it does for everyone. It is far more than you or anyone else can fully control or handle alone as well. Open up to those around you. Allow proper instruction to guide you. Your biggest struggle will be one within yourself. It is not something you conquer or overcome. It is something you embrace, harness, and guide for use to reaching your max potential. I wish I could be more clear. The answers are out there, son. Find them before they find you. I am not good with words. One day you will understand fully. Good luck Austin. I know you can do it man. So much inside you.
To my mother Sheila. I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all so I will not speak on those things. As for being a mother went while raising the three of us in a less than desirable situation, thank you. The times of literal poverty from my youngest years are memories of my childhood I cherish the most. We were never really close as a family I guess, but there is so much from those times I still would not change.
To my brother Joshua and sister Vivian. Once again, we were not really a close family but still I do not understand so I will not talk those things. As children, we were pretty independent within the home all doing our own things most the time. Best memories of us for me come from playing in the woods at the house in Douglasville and the “fort” like dug out area. I regret we did not get to actually ever know each other like we should have.
To my friends. And once again, I leave to you, Amanda, as to who you show this to and who you do not. I will not list names of my friends. I do not want to offend anyone by listing them or by forgetting to list them. So if you knew me and I knew you and you feel this applies to you, then it does. If you feel it does not, then it doesn’t. Thank you to all of you. A lot of good times out there. And I know I wasn’t always the easiest to get along with. I am and was opinionated by nature and therefore came across as argumentative often. You guys put up with that though. Some of you I got to spend a lot of time with and others I did not. I am sorry to those that I did not. I was also very bad at keeping in touch with those that meant something to me while moving around. If I offended any of you because of this or if any of you felt like I abandoned our friendship please understand I did not mean to. It truly was a character flaw of mine. Our friendships meant a lot. A lot of you are rascals and need to straighten up 😉 and the rest of you keep doing what your doing. I tried my best to help anyone that needed it if they asked or even if they didn’t sometimes. And you guys helped me a bit too. Thank you again everyone.
My intent. I have purchased a Mossberg 500 Tactical 12 Gauge Pump Action shotgun. It was a legal purchase from an unsuspecting individual. In fact, I lied to him about my intentions for it. I will lay flat in the tub. I will place one shot with a hollow point slug(2 3/4″, 1oz. 1600fps) from the front under my chin with an upward angle. Goal is to sever brain stem and a continued trajectory towards the top/back of my skull. If goal is met, for all purposes I should either be dominantly dead or fading in seconds. If after the first shot I am alive and still conscious and able to move, I will place a second shot with buckshot(2 3/4″, 1325fps, 9pellets, 00) from the front under my chin with an upward angle. Goal to once again sever brain stem and a continued trajectory towards the top/back of my skull. I could not fathom being, for all practical sense, conscience at this point or alive.
I chose this method cause it seems to have the highest success rates after a good bit of research. I have looked at pictures and read reports on similar things and watched a video even. I am trying not to leave a massive mess of myself for the people that will respond and those that have to clean. That is why I am in the tub and also will possibly (have not decided fully yet) be wearing a full face motorcycle helmet to hopefully eliminate or reduce the “gore fragments” flying aspect. I am also lying low and pointing the shotgun in a manner that if the slug is to penetrate it will have the sides of the tub and walls to potentially stop it as it travels in a downward trajectory(if unaltered while penetrating) towards an exterior wall and not surrounding apartments.
To those responding to the scene once reported, thank you for your services to the community and I am sorry for your inconveniences as well.
I love you Amanda and Austin, but I have to go for now. I truly hope we meet again and that things can be different in a better place or a better life. Goodbye.
30 comments
I’m sorry that you must go.
Goodbye Justin.
I am sorry.
May you find your peace.
-Jeremy
dont do it. Everything can change. You will make a great burden to your family.
I am sorry 🙁 Don’t choose this way to solve it. Expect that difficult situations will take time to resolve.
Pls, God bless you
Justin, You will be missed by myself and others. I wish you could of found what you needed to stay here. Till our paths cross again, you are a man I will never forget.
The question I ponder, ” Is he really gone?”
I feel guilty.
While im living my life, this poor soul was taking his own.
Hey Team, Mysterious Stranger here.
Unfortunately, I have not had any further correspondence with Justin since 2321hrs UTC +13. I can only assume that he exacted his final exit strategy, and with that has gone on to the next life. He left his login so I could manage the post in his absence, and will keep it up till later on I suppose.
Justin, wherever you are… Rest easy, my bro.
Mysterious Stranger, thanks for doing what you are doing.
I called the police in Kentucky this morning about this. At the time they informed me that a) I was not the first to call and b) that they did go visit Justin and spoke with him for at least 15 minutes. I have no idea what progressed after that, but as of 8:00am EST this was the information given to me over the phone by the Lexington police department in Kentucky.
@OLiR
Acknowledged.
@vls2014
So, that’s five hours with no further word? What is your connection with Justin, if you don’t mind me asking?
Please Mysterious Stranger or anyone who might have info, please keep the community up to date about Justin.
Thank you and take care everyone.
Did someone at least call the police? God forbid some family member find this guy…
Oops…I missed the post that said they called the police. Y’all are awesome.
thank you for all u did justin. u were a great man
I have known justin for 6 years nearly if any of you guys know of anything please let me know i just heard about this posting through his ex Girlfriend. I pray that he has not hurt himself, but if he has please lord forgive him.
My connection is this: he posted his public information online claiming he was going to kill himself in a very gruesome manner. First, if that is so, the police should be notified so that they can discover him instead of his family or some other innocent bystander. His note makes no mention of how he plans to be discovered, if that was planned at all, so this is a nasty surprise I HAVE PERSONALLY SEEN WITH A FAMILY MEMBER and wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. Would it not make sense that he posted this with his address and phone number for that exact reason, so that someone would notify the police? Second, if possible to stop it, someone should try. He claims to have a child and he’s a very young guy. I’m not saying his pain isn’t valid, but often people post all their info for the reason of hoping they will be stopped. So calling would also make sense in this scenario. Third, if this is a scam or fake, then the police need to be notified because that address, since real (check Google) does belong to someone. If this posting was not by the person living there, then the person living there could be in danger or in for a nasty surprise. Again, it makes sense to call.
The number for the Lexington Police for anyone interested is 1-859-258-3600.
Alright, Team – SITREP – Still no contact with Justin so far. I have a feeling that IF he didn’t follow through, then the local authorities would most likely have detained him and thus would be in no position to make contact with anyone at this time. If he did opt out however… Well, you folks in the States would probably hear it before me.
@vols
Acknowledged. 1 – He was very articulate with the specifics when detailing them to me, the inclusion of his actual address only furthered my suspicion that he indeed wanted to be stopped or…discovered by someone else. 2 – We here at SP had done our best to support him with compassion, light hearted comedy, talk of hardware etc. It is evident from his most recent postings (since deleted) that he accepted this final decision of his and therefore rendered any continued “live your life” support ineffective. Trust that none of us wanted this, but we supported him nonetheless. 3 – It is real. The finality of his last correspondence with me verifies it.
Regardless, thank you for your support and comments.
Justin seemed like a strait talker. If the police did go there I warn to believe he would of answered the questions truthfully and they would of brought him to a place to receive help. What that help is, I don’t know. I do know that there is many different ways to help a broken person. May the correct healings ways find our friends Justin.
This is his ex girlfriend Amanda. I went to the apartment this morning freaked out that I would find his body and he wasn’t there. I can’t find him anywhere and his phone is off. If anyone has any info please let me know. I don’t he would be that selfish to leave his son without a father. Please if anyone has heard from him let me know I’m very worried
EvilOni22,
About taking your own life, really it doesn’t matter, we are all going to die sometime it’s the law of nature, everybody must do it sooner or later, but! You will never ever see Amanda and Austin again! That’s a fact! If you want to see them I’m afraid you must stick around. Food for thought.
@latinflower89
Hello there. I was one of the last people to make contact with Justin. I have not received any communications from him in the past twelve hours. The fact you visited his apartment and there were no discoveries leads me to believe that the authorities could possibly have detained him. Thank you for making contact with us, I’ll be sure to notify you if he emails me.
@latinflower89
I would also advise contacting the Lexington PD via the number above and inquire as to whether they know of Justin’s current situation/whereabouts.
The Mysterious Stranger, do recall Justin ever talking about a safe place or a relaxing spot in one of his posts that he may of gone too? You can email me at captainsquirrel123 at gmail any time, for any reason my friend from across the pond!
@OLiR
Afraid not, from what I recall. His posts are gone so we can’t really ascertain if he ever shared that information with us. Still no word yet, and his ex girlfriend who posted above hasn’t come back online yet obviously. Thanks for your email address, I’ll keep that in mind.:-)
justin is safe at the moment and detained in a hospital for further treatment thank you all for your concern and prayers
Thanks for that @hitzsu005.
We’ll be here for him.
Justin, thank you reaching out and always replying to comments in the most detailed manner. If you ever decided to post again, I look forward to that.
Hitzsu005, the updates are appreciated! May Justin receive the proper support that he is in need of.
The Mysterious Stranger, if I had to choose one word to describe my feelings for you. “Admiration”
I am glad to hear he is getting help. To anyone that does know him personally, in my research I have run across a lot of recommendations that say the time to watch most closely is after someone gets out of treatment. They are often feeling better and then feel capable of completing the act. I really hope Justin can get the help he needs. I do not regret calling Lexington police and I hope it helps him to know even complete strangers give a damn.