Its funny how all the planning and commitment can go out of the window once faced with the prospect of jumping. Originally i was going for a shotgun but i cant afford the gun, ammo, travel and bullets. This time of year a bridge would be perfect because of the freezing water coupled with the long drop. Its weird though… i wrote the note, really believed i was going to do it (this is my first time ever) and i just couldn’t bring myself to go over. I must have paced back and forth at least 10 times, and every time i went to go back home i felt this intense urge to try again.
Hopefully i will go all the way next time out… looking for that last bit of will power so i dont get buyers remorse again. I can feel im ready.
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Please, for the love of god, please don’t do it. It may not actually seem like it, but there are many things to live for. There are people who care, and who can’t bring themselves to tell you. For all you know, life could get better. And you’d be up in heaven looking down on the earth, regretting it.
Well I’m actually looking for ?drugs? that could help me stay focused on the task at hand if you catch my drift. I’ve been sober for seven years now and I’m tired of the bullshit, unemployable, joke, drifter, loser etc.. blah blah blah. I like the idea of jumping sober but first things first you know.