I’ve decided that I want to do this.
I have everything planned out, I just need to finish writing my letters. A long time ago the plan was to write a letter for everyone who has ever been a part of my life but now I just want to do close friends and family, it’s too overwhelming to try to write something for everyone, especially people who I haven’t talked to in years.
I feel like this is what is meant for me. After years of fighting and hoping and praying I just can’t do it anymore. Nothing is ever going to work out or stay going good. It’s not going to get better this time. I am completely hopeless now. There is no way I can make it 10 weeks, when I have something planned I was hoping would save me. But it won’t, and thinking about going through day after day with all of this suffering makes me feel sick. Â I think within the next week it will happen, and even though I’m scared I also feel comforted by it.
I guess I like posting on here because I don’t feel so alone in this like I do in the real world. I have no one to share this with. I’m going to die alone, but at least being on here it feels in a way that I won’t be completely alone.
4 comments
Thats tough and i feel ya, Im curious what were you planing on doing in ten weeks that would save you?
A trip abroad. I did it last year and it helped, and it gave me hope. But this time I’m so apathetic about it, it hasn’t given me any hope. I’m most likely going to quit my job tomorrow, and then make my preparations.
Sounds like you’re convinced, which means you don’t want help
I’m sorry your life has turned out this way
Cheers then, from one suicidal person to another
If you want to talk, before the end, just email me
If I believed that any kind of help would work I would get all of it I could. But I don’t think anything can help me at all. Thank you for offering to talk.